Praise Kink: What It Means and How to Praise Your Sub (or Your Dom)

A praise kink means being praised, or doing the praising, turns you on: "good girl", "good boy" or "you take it so well" lands between your legs, not just in your ego. It works for any gender, inside a Dom and sub dynamic or between equals. Everything here is for consenting adults.

Wanting compliments is human. Getting wet or hard because someone you trust says you did well is the kink. To praise your sub or your Dom, be specific, time it right, and back it with your voice and hands. Here's the rest, from either side of the collar.

What’s in this guide

• What is a praise kink?
• Types of praise
• Praise kink in D/s: Doms, Dommes and subs
• How to praise your sub
• How to praise your Dom or Domme
• Tasks to earn praise
• Praise vs degradation (and mixing them)
• Praise kink phrases: 60+ lines we wrote
• How to bring it up and negotiate
• Aftercare and the crash after a scene
• When praise becomes manipulation
• Toys that pair with praise
• Praise kink FAQ
• Where to take your praise kink next

What is a praise kink?

A praise kink is a sexual turn-on built around approval and being told you did well. Everyone likes a compliment. With a praise kink, the compliment is foreplay: your breath catches, your clit or cock responds, and you want to earn the next one.

It runs both ways. Some people love receiving praise, some love giving it, many love both. You'll also see it called a praise fetish, a compliment kink or a pleasing kink. The Kink List entry on praise kink has the short version.

Signs you might have a praise kink

• "Good girl" or "good boy" hits you physically. Or "good" plus whatever word is yours.
• Approval makes you try harder. You'd do a lot for a breathless "just like that".
• Orders plus approval is your favorite combination.
• You replay compliments for hours.
• You love giving it. Watching someone flush under your praise feels powerful.

None of these is a diagnosis. Curiosity is reason enough to try it.

Why do people have praise kinks?

Honest answer: nobody knows, because no one has studied praise kink yet. No research links it to how you were raised, and a kink doesn't need an origin story.

What people describe is clearer. Praise is attention aimed entirely at you, from someone whose opinion you chose to value, so it hits harder from a Dom than from a coworker. It gives you a clear target, and for some people that clarity quiets overthinking. For the praiser, there's power in making someone shiver with three words.

Is it a praise kink, or do I need reassurance?

Wanting praise is ordinary. love is respect, a project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline, notes that giving and receiving compliments is normal and can feel validating.

Our own line, not a diagnosis: a kink is praise that turns you on in sex or play, and you can enjoy a night without it. Needing praise everywhere to feel okay, and feeling crushed without it, is different. If that's weighing on you, a counselor or kink-friendly therapist is a good person to talk to.

How common is a praise kink?

No one has counted. What we do know is that the power exchange it often lives inside is a common fantasy. Researchers who surveyed 1,516 Quebec adults (Journal of Sexual Medicine, 2015) found 64.6% of women and 53.3% of men said they'd fantasized about being sexually dominated, and 46.7% of women and 59.6% of men about dominating someone. That survey didn't ask about praise.

Types of praise

Praise isn't one thing. Mix these and you'll never run out.

Type	Sounds or looks like	Best moment	Watch out for
Effort	"You're trying so hard for me."	When it's difficult	Don't save praise for success
Body	"Your pussy is so pretty this wet."	Undressing, oral	Use the body words they chose
Obedience	"Good. Exactly like that."	The second they obey	"Good girl" needs a yes first
Skill	"Your mouth is unreal. Again."	During oral, after a task	Specific beats generic
Devotion (upward)	"Thank you for taking care of me, Sir."	Aftercare, service	Ask if your Dom wants it mid-scene
Nonverbal	A moan, a hand in their hair, eye contact	Constantly	Never press on the neck
Rewards	Permission to come, the vibe turned up	After a task	Agree on rewards ahead
Written	A text, a note on the mirror	The morning after	Agree what goes in writing
Condescending	"Look at you, staying still. Impressive."	Negotiated teasing	Can sting for real

Don't skip the nonverbal row: one study of how people signal pleasure during sex (Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2013) found sounds and body language were tied to sexual satisfaction, while words alone weren't. It didn't study praise or kink, but the nudge stands: back your words with your voice and hands.

Praise kink in D/s: Doms, Dommes and subs

In dominance and submission, praise has three jobs:

• Reward. A "good" after an order closes the loop and makes the next order hotter.
• Guidance. "Slower. Yes. That speed. Good" teaches faster than any correction.
• Aftercare. After a hard scene, praise tells them they're still adored.

Praise doesn't make a Dom soft: the more authority you hold, the harder your "good" lands. In our opinion, praise does more work than punishment in most dynamics. Some couples make a collar the reward a sub earns (see our guide to collaring), and in total power exchange praise can become daily protocol. Outside D/s, equal partners use praise as dirty talk and switches trade it back and forth. A submissive praise kink is the classic, but a Dom praise kink is real too: some Dominants get off on giving praise, some on hearing it.

Femdom praise

A Domme's praise is approval from a woman who decides whether you've earned it. Femdom praise leans on control: praising a sub for waiting, kneeling well or asking permission to come, then making them wait longer. Subs praise upward too: her power, her strictness. More in Femdom 101 and the Kink List entry on femdom and female-led relationships.

Praise works in every pairing, same-sex and nonbinary included. Gendered words like "good girl" feel wrong to some people, so ask first and offer neutral options.

How to praise your sub

To praise your sub well, name exactly what they did, say it the moment they do it, and back it up with your voice and hands. "Good girl" is a start. "Good girl, you held still even when it got hard" is what they'll replay tomorrow.

• Be specific. "You kept your hands behind your back the whole time."
• Praise effort and nerve. Trying something new deserves praise even if it wobbled.
• Time it. In the moment for heat, right after for warmth, next morning for a slow burn.
• Slow your voice. Lower, closer to their ear. Pause before the "good".
• Add touch. A hand on the back of their head, a palm on their chest. Never pressure on the neck.
• Use their word. The name or title they chose, every time.
• Mix earned and free praise. Not every "good" has to be earned.
• Praise in public, invisibly. A code phrase only they understand.

If your partner finds submitting hard, praise the submission itself. That's how to praise a partner for being submissive: "I know letting go isn't easy for you. Watching you do it anyway is so hot."

Situation	What to say	Why it lands
They hold a position	"Don't move. Perfect. You're doing so well."	Keeps them there while it's hard
They're struggling	"I know it's a lot. You're taking it beautifully."	Effort counts before success
They say yellow or their safeword	"Thank you for telling me. That's exactly right."	Speaking up feels like obedience
They come when told	"Good. You came right on my word."	Ties pleasure to your control
They ask nicely	"You begged so prettily. Yes, you may."	Rewards begging
They did a task while you were apart	"Saw it. Good. Tonight you get rewarded."	Keeps the dynamic alive

Your first praise scene, step by step

1. Agree on the words. Over coffee: which names, titles and body words are a yes.
2. Pick a safeword and a signal. A word that stops everything, plus three taps for when talking is hard.
3. Set the scene. Lights low, maybe a blindfold: praise they hear but can't see lands harder.
4. Give one simple order. "Kneel. Hands on your thighs."
5. Praise it immediately. "Good. Just like that."
6. Escalate slowly. Touch, then a harder order, then body praise as you undress them.
7. Check in. "Color?" Green means go on, yellow means slow down, red means stop.
8. Let them earn the finish. "Ask me nicely." Then say yes and praise them through it.
9. Aftercare. Water, a blanket, and the most specific praise of the night.

When praise falls flat

Sometimes "good girl" gets a giggle or a wince. Don't push through. Ask what didn't land, then try another word, a softer tone, or more touch and less talk. Some people only want praise afterward; a few don't want it at all, and that's a real answer too.

How to praise your Dom or Domme

To praise your Dom, thank them, admire their skill, and ask permission if you're mid-scene. Praising upward doesn't break the dynamic, it feeds it: Doms want to know their control is landing, and they don't always hear it.

• Gratitude. "Thank you for tonight" is the simplest praise there is.
• Admire their skill. Their rope, their timing, their voice, the way they read you.
• Praise their care. The check-ins, the rules that make you feel held.
• Ask permission. "Sir, may I tell you something?" keeps you in role.
• Serve beautifully. A task done well is praise in action (see service submission).
• Worship their body. Kiss, lick and name what you love about their cock, pussy, hands or feet.
• Write it down. A note on their pillow, a text the morning after.

What to say to your Dom or Domme

• "Thank you for taking control tonight, Sir."
• "Ma'am, you knew what I needed before I did."
• "When you hold me down, everything else goes quiet."
• "Watching you decide what happens to me is the hottest thing I know."

More lines are in the phrase list. Use their title and keep it about them: "you're so good at this, now go harder" is a request wearing praise. Keep mid-scene praise short and save the long version for aftercare, which Doms need too.

Tasks to earn praise

Praise as a reward works best when the task is clear, doable and a bit of a stretch. Here are ideas by level, built on rules, protocols and tasks.

Level	Task ideas	The praise that follows
Everyday	Text "good morning, Sir" before 9; wear the underwear I chose; make my coffee exactly right	"You remembered. Good."
Service	Run my bath; a 20-minute massage; kneel by the door when I get home	"You take care of me so well."
Sensual	Undress slowly while I watch; hold a position for five minutes; wear the blindfold and describe every touch	"Look at you, so still for me."
Sexual	Edge three times without coming; ask permission before you come; worship my body for ten minutes before you touch your cock or clit	"You held it. Now come for me."
Long-distance	Wear the app-controlled vibe while I run it from across town; send a voice note about what you want tonight; edge on a call and ask to finish	"I heard every word. Good girl."

Praise is the reward, but you can stack another on top: permission to come, choosing tonight's toy, the vibe turned up. Orgasm control makes a hot payoff. Agree on rewards in advance and start small: a sub who succeeds three times wants a fourth.

A reward you both negotiated is play. A reward dangled to get sex someone doesn't want is coercion: the Office on Women's Health describes sexual coercion as unwanted sexual activity that happens after being pressured in nonphysical ways, and gives "I'll make it worth your while" as an example.

What never becomes a task

• Money or spending.
• Medication, food, sleep or any health decision.
• Seeing, calling or cutting off friends and family.
• Anything at work or in their classes.
• Everyday decisions they haven't explicitly handed you.

Between them, the National Domestic Violence Hotline, the Office on Women's Health and MedlinePlus list control over money, friends and family, work and everyday decisions among the warning signs of abuse.

Praise vs degradation (and mixing them)

Praise tells your partner they're wonderful. Degradation tells them, in a game you both agreed to, that they're filthy, needy or beneath you. Both can be hot, and mixing them is fine as a negotiated option, never a default or a surprise. Agree which degrading words are in and which topics are off limits (weight, intelligence, money, family), and finish with praise. Curious about the harsher side? Read up on humiliation first.

	Praise	Degradation	Both, negotiated
The goal	Feel adored and seen	Feel used and shameless	Filthy and treasured at once
A typical line	"You're perfect like this."	"Look how desperate you are."	"Such a good slut for me."
What can go wrong	Sounds hollow if generic	Hits a real insecurity	Mixed signals if not agreed
Aftercare needs	Light: cuddles, a recap	More: clear reassurance	Lots of warm praise at the end

Condescending and sarcastic praise

Condescending praise is praise delivered as if the bar was on the floor: "Look at you, staying still for a whole minute. Impressive." It mixes approval with amused superiority, and it shows up a lot in femdom ("You think you've earned it? That's adorable."). Sarcastic praise is its sharper cousin. It works when you've negotiated it and the target is playful: obedience, desperation, how wet or hard they are. It stings for real when it touches a true insecurity, so keep those on the no list.

Praise kink phrases: 60+ lines we wrote

Things to say when praising as a Dom, a sub or an equal, all written by us for consenting adults. Swap in your partner's words.

Tender

• "You're so beautiful like this."
• "I love how you look at me when I'm proud of you."
• "You make it so easy to adore you."
• "Stay right there. I want to look at you."
• "You're doing so well."
• "I'm proud of you. Really proud."

Effort and nerve

• "You're trying so hard for me. I see it."
• "That was brave. Thank you for trusting me."
• "You're shaking and still holding position. Good."
• "I know it's a lot. Breathe. You've got this."
• "You didn't give up. I love that about you."
• "Look how far you've come since the first time."

Body praise

• "Your skin flushes the second I say your name."
• "Your mouth was made for this."
• "Your clit is so swollen for me. Good girl."
• "Your cock is so hard. Did my voice do that?"
• "Your ass looks perfect in my hands."
• "You're dripping, and I've barely touched you."
• "I love every sound you make."

Obedience

• "Good. Exactly like that."
• "That fast? Good."
• "You listen so well."
• "Hands where I put them. Perfect."
• "You waited. Good. Now you may."
• "Whose good girl are you? Say it."
• "You do as you're told, and look how good it feels."

Filthy

• "You take my cock so well."
• "Your pussy is soaking for me. Good girl."
• "Come for me. Now. Good."
• "Look at you, stretched around my fingers and still asking for more."
• "Rub your clit for me. Slower. Good."
• "Stroke it slowly and show me. Good boy."
• "You suck me so perfectly I can't think."
• "You came so hard. Do it again for me."
• "You're making such a mess, and I love it."

Gender-neutral

• "Good sub. That was perfect."
• "You're so good for me."
• "Good. You're mine, and you're perfect."
• "Look at you, falling apart so nicely, darling."
• "Good [their name]. Again."
• "Such good hands. Such a good mouth."

Domme and femdom

• "Good boy. You waited for permission."
• "Kneel. Lower. There's my good boy."
• "You may kiss my feet. Slowly."
• "You've been so patient. I might let you come."
• "Thank me properly."
• "You serve me so well. I'm keeping you."

Sub to Dom or Domme

• "Thank you, Sir. I needed that."
• "Ma'am, you're breathtaking in control."
• "May I come, please? You've made me so desperate."
• "I love being yours."
• "You read me better than anyone."

Texts and voice notes

• "Still thinking about how well you behaved last night."
• "You did everything I asked today. Tonight you get rewarded."
• "Wear what I chose. Send me one photo. Good."
• "Voice note for you. Listen in bed."
• "Proud of you. That's the whole text."

Aftercare praise

• "You were incredible. Come here."
• "Drink this. Good. Now let me hold you."
• "Thank you for trusting me with that."
• "Every part of tonight was perfect, especially you."

How to bring it up and negotiate

Bring it up outside the bedroom, with a question rather than a confession:

• "When you said 'good girl' last night, I nearly melted. Can we play with that?"
• "I'd love to praise you during sex. What would you like to hear?"
• "Want to try the Kink Test as a couple? It only shows the yeses we share."

Test a low "you look incredible" outside sex first and watch the reaction. Then settle the details with a Yes No Maybe list in front of you. No one has studied praise kink itself, but a 2022 review in the Journal of Family Psychology, pooling 93 studies of more than 38,000 people in relationships, found that couples who talk well about sex tend to be more satisfied with it. How well you talk mattered more than how often. The studies can't show which causes which.

What to settle	Questions to ask	Example answer
Names for them	Girl, boy, sub, their name?	"Good sub, never good girl."
Titles for you	Sir, Ma'am, Mistress, a first name?	"Ma'am in bed, first name in texts."
Body words	Clit, cock, pussy, something else?	"Say cock, not dick."
Tone	Tender, filthy, condescending?	"Filthy yes, condescending maybe."
Where it's allowed	Bed only, texts, in public?	"Code phrase only in public."

Pick a safeword and a signal. The National Domestic Violence Hotline says safe words are necessary in BDSM play, that a safe signal should be agreed for when a word can't be spoken, and that the Top stays responsible for the bottom's wellbeing even if no safe word is called. Check in mid-scene with a quick "color?".

Planned Parenthood's consent shorthand is FRIES: freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic and specific. A yes to "good girl" isn't a yes to every word you might add. Anyone can change their mind at any time, even inside a long-term dynamic, and people who are drunk or high can't consent, so keep praise play sober.

Keep bodies safe too

• Restraints: keep checking hands and feet, release at once if fingers go cold, numb or tingly, and never leave a restrained person alone.
• Blindfolds and leashes: clear the floor, guide every step, never yank a leash or put pressure on the throat.
• Lube: water-based is safe for every toy material and every condom. Silicone lube can damage silicone toys (patch-test first), and oil breaks down latex condoms and softer toy materials.
• Toys: wash them after every use, and put a fresh condom on any toy shared between bodies.
• When to stop: if pain, bleeding or numbness won't fade, stop and talk to your doctor.

Aftercare and the crash after a scene

Praise is half of aftercare; water, warmth and time are the rest. This plan is our own advice, not a medical guideline.

• The first hour: water, a blanket, a snack, skin contact and specific praise.
• The next day: "Thinking about you. How are you feeling about last night?"
• A few days later: check in again, both ways.

Why all three? Feeling low, teary or on edge after sex is more common than people think: in a survey of 230 female university students (Sexual Medicine, 2015), 46% had felt that way at least once, and it isn't a sign anything went wrong. Separately, kink researchers describe "drop" as a low that can hit right after a scene or several days later, sometimes up to a week, with sadness, guilt, anxiety or exhaustion (Journal of Positive Sexuality, 2016). Tops can feel it too. It hasn't been properly studied, so plan for it rather than diagnose it. If a low won't lift, talk to your doctor.

When praise becomes manipulation

Negotiated praise is play. Praise used to rush you, isolate you or get past a "no" is something else. Cleveland Clinic describes love bombing, often disguised as excessive flattery, as a form of emotional abuse, and love is respect lists over-the-top compliments among the signs of love bombing.

• Flattery that rushes you into a dynamic before you've negotiated anything.
• Praise withheld as punishment outside the play you agreed to.
• Rewards traded for sex you don't want, or a "no" treated as ruining everything.
• Praise that's warmest when you're alone with them.
• Ignoring a safe word or signal, giving you attitude about a hard limit, or one person alone dictating the rules.

The Hotline puts it plainly: abuse is about one partner gaining and maintaining power and control over another, while healthy BDSM is a consensual power exchange.

Need to talk to someone? National Domestic Violence Hotline: call 800.799.SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788. love is respect: call 1.866.331.9474 or text LOVEIS to 22522. In immediate danger, call 911.

Toys that pair with praise

Praise needs only your voice, but gear helps. Remote control vibrators and app-controlled toys turn "good girl" into a buzz; bondage kits give them something to hold still in.

Pick	Best for	Price
Lover's Restraints Set	"Stay still for me" praise	$88.95
Blackout Memory Foam Blindfold	Praise you hear but can't see	$23.95
Double Love Connection Panty Vibe	Rewards from across the room	$70.95
Lovense Lush 2.0	Rewards from across town	$98.95
Super Silicone Cock Ring	A remote reward for subs with cocks	from $42.95
Peaches 'n CreaMe Fur Handcuffs	A gentle first taste of bondage	$26.95

Lover's Restraints Set

Nothing makes "don't move, good" hit harder than cuffs they can feel. This vegan-leather kit packs cuffs for wrists and ankles, a collar with its braided leash and two connectors, with D-rings for clipping wrists to ankles or leading them by the leash to where you want them kneeling. The cuffs and collar buckle to fit (wrists 4.5 to 10.5 inches, ankles 6.25 to 10.5, and 12.25 to 17 for the collar), and the leash runs 32.5 inches. Clean it with a damp cloth. $88.95.

Get the Lover's Restraints Set here.

Sportsheets Blackout Memory Foam Blindfold

Take away their sight and your voice becomes their whole world. Layers of memory foam black out the light, recessed divots leave room to blink without pressing on the lids, and the elastic strap is adjustable from 9 to 16.5 inches. Whisper the praise and keep them guessing where your hands go next. $23.95.

Get the Blackout Blindfold here.

Double Love Connection Silicone Panty Vibe With Remote Control

The reward you deliver from across the room. An external pad sits against the clit and a corded egg goes inside, with a magnetic heart holding the pad to their underwear. 3 speeds, 7 vibration patterns, and a wireless remote you can work from about 19.7 feet away. Set the task at dinner, then press the button the second they finish it. USB rechargeable. $70.95.

Get the Double Love Connection here.

Lovense Lush 2.0 Sound Activated Vibrator

For praise from across town. This wearable egg runs through an app your partner can use up close or long distance, with unlimited patterns, and its sound-activated vibrations respond to music or ambient noise. Text "good girl," then make it buzz. Waterproof and submersible, USB rechargeable. $98.95.

Get the Lovense Lush 2.0 here.

Super Silicone Cock Ring with Remote

A remote reward for subs with cocks. Two stretchy silicone rings hug your shaft and balls, with a bullet vibe positioned to stimulate a partner's clit. 4 speeds and multiple patterns run from the included remote, so you decide when a good boy gets buzzed. Inner diameters are 1.25 and 2 inches. Waterproof and USB rechargeable. Use water-based lube with it, and remove it if anything hurts or goes numb. From $42.95.

Get the Super Silicone Cock Ring here.

Sex & Mischief Peaches 'n CreaMe Fur Handcuffs

The gentle starter: 9-inch cuffs in faux leather with faux-fur lining, an adjustable buckle, a secure clasp and a 5.5-inch connecting chain. Soft enough for first-time wrists, real enough that "keep your hands up for me" means something. Keep the release within reach. $26.95.

Get the Fur Handcuffs here.

Want just a collar? Try the Spartacus Organo Silicone PU Collar & Leash. More in our best bondage kits guide, the best app-controlled vibrators guide, sex handcuffs and couples toys.

Praise kink FAQ

What is a praise kink?

A praise kink is getting turned on by being praised, or by praising someone else. Approval and lines like "good girl" or "you did so well" land as arousal, not just a nice feeling. It can live inside a Dom and sub dynamic or between equals, for any gender.

What does it mean if I like being called a good girl or good boy?

It usually means approval turns you on, which is a praise kink. Between consenting adults, "good girl" and "good boy" pack approval, ownership and obedience into two words. If the gendered version feels wrong, swap it: "good sub" or "good" plus your name work too.

How do I know if I have a praise kink?

If praise in a sexual moment makes your body react, you probably have one. Signs: getting wet or hard at "good girl" or "good boy", trying harder for a "that's it", replaying compliments for hours, or loving the power of praising someone. Curiosity is reason enough to try.

Why do I have a praise kink?

Nobody knows, because no one has studied praise kink yet, and no research links it to how you were raised. People describe the pull as focused attention, approval from someone they've chosen to value, and a clear target that quiets overthinking. Kinks don't need an origin story.

Is having a praise kink normal?

Yes. No one has studied praise kink itself, but a 2013 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine compared 902 BDSM practitioners with 434 people who don't practice it: the BDSM group matched or beat the others on most measures of psychological well-being, and the researchers concluded BDSM may be thought of as a leisure interest, not a disorder.

Is a praise kink a BDSM thing, or can you have one without being submissive?

You can have a praise kink without being submissive. It often shows up in D/s, but equal partners use praise as dirty talk, switches trade it, and Doms can have a praise kink too. If "you feel incredible" turns you on in vanilla sex, that counts.

How do I praise my sub?

Name exactly what they did, say it the moment they do it, and back it with your voice and touch. "Good girl, you held still even when it got hard" beats "good job". Praise effort, use the name they chose, and save the longest praise for aftercare.

How do I praise my Dom?

Thank them, admire their skill, and ask permission if you're mid-scene: "Sir, may I tell you how good you are at this?" keeps you in role. Praise their control, care and rules, worship their body, serve beautifully, and leave written praise after a scene.

What tasks can a sub do to earn praise?

Clear tasks that stretch them a bit. Everyday: a good-morning text, wearing what you chose. Service: running a bath. Sensual: holding a position for five minutes. Sexual: edging three times. Long-distance: an app-controlled vibe you run from across town. Tasks never involve money, health, work, friends or family.

What is the difference between a praise kink and a degradation kink?

A praise kink is arousal from being told you're good; a degradation kink is arousal from being told, in a consensual game, that you're filthy, needy or beneath someone. Degradation can hit real insecurities, so it needs careful negotiation, off-limit topics and more reassurance afterward.

Can you have a praise kink and a degradation kink at the same time?

Yes. Some people want praise in tender scenes and degradation in rough ones, and some want both at once, like "such a good slut for me". Mix them only as a negotiated option, never a surprise, and finish with warm praise.

What is condescending praise kink?

It's arousal from praise delivered as if the bar was very low: "Look at you, staying still for a whole minute. Impressive." It mixes approval with amused superiority and shows up a lot in femdom. Negotiate it first, aim it at playful targets, and keep real insecurities off limits.

What is the difference between a Daddy Dom and a praise kink?

A Daddy Dom is an adult Dominant who uses "Daddy" as a title with another consenting adult and leads with warmth, structure and steady care, while a praise kink is simply getting turned on by praise, with or without a title. Many Daddy Doms praise generously, but praise works just as well with any title, or none.

Is it a praise kink or do I just need reassurance?

If praise turns you on in sex or play and you can enjoy a night without it, that's a kink. If you need praise everywhere to feel okay and feel crushed without it, that's worth talking through with a counselor or therapist. That's our own advice, not a diagnosis.

What do you say to someone with a praise kink?

Say exactly what they did well, in the words they love: "Good girl, you took that so well", "you're so good for me", "I'm proud of you". Ask which names and body words they like, then get specific, and filthy if they want it.

Where to take your praise kink next

A praise kink is approval as foreplay. Be specific, negotiate the words, and end every scene kindly. Keep exploring with the full Kink List, Femdom 101, our guide to edging for your next praise-worthy task, or BDSM toys and bondage gear for your first praise session.

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Maya Sterling, AdultLuxe editorial. Read our editorial standards.