How to Use a Dildo: Your First Time, Riding, Anal, Every Type, Solo & With a Partner

To use a dildo, get properly turned on first, coat yourself and the toy in water-based lube, then rest the tip at your opening and breathe out as you let it slide in slowly, at whatever angle feels good. Start with slow, shallow strokes, go deeper only when your body asks for more, and make your first one slim, with a base that stays outside your body, like a flared base or a suction cup that sits flat against you.

That really is the core of it. Everything else on this page is the good part: your first time, picking a size, strokes and angles, solo positions, riding, the G-spot and the P-spot, anal, partners, strap-ons, double-ended toys, glass and steel, adding vibration, and fixes for when it isn't working.

You're far from alone in wanting one. In a 2015 US national survey (PLOS ONE, 2017), 50.2% of women had ever used a vibrator or dildo. And this guide is written for every body: pussies, asses and prostates, solo or with partners of any gender.

What’s in this guide

• How to use a dildo: the quick version
• Your first time, step by step
• Choosing your first dildo: size, shape, material and base
• Lube: which one and how much
• Angles, strokes and rhythms
• Best dildo positions on your own
• How to ride a dildo (hands-free with a suction cup)
• G-spot and P-spot: using a curved dildo
• How to use a dildo for anal: the flared-base rule
• How to use a dildo as a man (or any body without a vagina)
• Using a dildo with a partner
• Strap-on basics
• How to use a double-ended dildo
• Temperature play with glass and steel
• Adding vibration: vibrating dildos, thrusting dildos and a vibrator on the side
• The best dildos to learn on
• When it isn't working: troubleshooting
• Safety: the rules that matter
• Cleaning and storage by material
• How to use a dildo: FAQ
• The bottom line

How to use a dildo: the quick version

Already wet, hard or just curious? Here's the whole method in seven steps.

1. Wash it. Soap and warm water, a good rinse, then pat it dry. A toy with a motor gets only as wet as its listing allows, and brand new toys get washed too.
2. Get turned on first. Touch yourself, kiss someone, read something filthy. Arousal is what makes a body soft, open and ready for more.
3. Lube you and the toy. Water-based, and more than you think you need. It's safe with every toy material.
4. Tip at the entrance, then breathe out. Rest the head of the dildo against your opening and exhale slowly. Muscles let go on the out-breath.
5. Let it slide in slowly, at your angle. Tilt it, don't shove it. If it stops, ease back, add lube and try a new angle.
6. Shallow before deep. Short strokes near the entrance come first. Go deeper only when you want to, and stay wherever it feels good.
7. Clean it. Wash it again, let it air-dry and put it away.

You don't have to come from penetration the first time, or at all. A hand or a vibrator on your clit or cock while the dildo moves can be how you get there, and the vibration section shows you how.

Your first time, step by step

First toy ever, or just a new one? Give yourself half an hour with nowhere else to be. Rushing is the easiest way to get this wrong.

1. Pick a slim one. About 1.5 inches wide is a kind first width. The Temptasia Bellatrix is 1.5 inches at its widest, with a suction-cup base. More on choosing a size below, and if it's going in your ass, follow the anal rules too.
2. Wash it. Even straight out of the box.
3. Set the scene. Lock the door, silence your phone, put a towel down, slide a pillow under your hips, and park the lube where your hand can find it without looking.
4. Warm up with your hands first. Play with your clit or your cock until you're properly turned on, not just mildly interested. Keep it gentle on a clit: in a 2015 national sample of US women (Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 2018), most preferred light or medium pressure on the vulva, and only 10.7% preferred firm pressure.
5. Lube both. A generous squeeze along the toy, more on your opening. Glide is what turns "hmm" into "oh".
6. Rest the tip and breathe out. Hold the dildo at your entrance and exhale as you press in gently. Pushing out a little, as if you're opening up around it, helps it slip in.
7. Go shallow first. Let just the head and the first inch in, ease it out, then in again. That's Shallowing: in a nationally representative study of US women (PLOS ONE, 2021), about 84% said they make penetration more pleasurable with penetrative touch just inside the entrance. Then hold it still for a few breaths while your body adjusts.
8. Slow strokes, a little deeper each time. Long, lazy strokes. Take an extra half inch only when your hips pull you toward it.
9. Add your clit or cock. Your free hand, or a vibrator, on your clit or cock while the dildo moves is often what tips it from nice to amazing. More in adding vibration.
10. Stop whenever you like. Five minutes counts. The toy will be there tomorrow.

If it hurts, stop. Add more lube, go smaller, spend longer warming up, and try again another night. Sharp pain or bleeding means stop and talk to your doctor.

First time with anything inside you? Same steps, just slower and smaller: one lubed finger first, then the slimmest toy you have. A stretch you can breathe through is normal; anything sharp is your cue to stop. Whether a toy "counts" as losing your virginity is your call, nobody else's.

Choosing your first dildo: size, shape, material and base

You don't need a perfect toy to learn. You need one that's slim, simple to wash and right for where it's going. The picks are further down; here's what matters for using one.

Width first, length second. Width is what you feel at the entrance, and it decides whether a toy feels like a treat or a project. Length mostly decides how deep you could go, and you never have to use all of it.

Diameter vs circumference. Most of the listings in this guide give the diameter, the width straight across. If yours prints a circumference instead, divide it by about 3.14: a 4.7-inch circumference works out to roughly 1.5 inches wide.

Insertable length is the number that counts. Total length includes the base and anything you hold. Insertable length is only the part that can go in.

Size up a little at a time. Once your first one feels easy, move up about a quarter inch in width. Big jumps are how a fun night turns into a sore one.

Base	What it does	Use it for
Flared base	A wide stop that can't slip inside you	Anal, plus any play where you want a firm stop
Suction cup	Grips smooth, hard surfaces	Riding, the shower wall, the floor; anal only while the base stays outside your body
Harness-ready (O-ring)	A base wider than the harness ring holds it in place	Strap-on play
Handle or double-ended	The far end is your grip, or a second shaft	Steering a curve, playing for two
No base	Nothing stops it going all the way in	Vaginal play only, never anal

Material	Feel	Lube	Notes
Silicone	Smooth, soft to firm, warms up with you	Water-based (try silicone lube on a small spot first)	Nonporous and easy to wash
Dual-density silicone	Firm core under a softer outer layer	Water-based	Squish on top, backbone underneath
Glass	Hard, slick, holds warmth or cool	Any lube on bare glass	Check for chips every time
Stainless steel	Hard, heavy, holds warmth or cool	Any lube	The weight does the pressing
Jelly and other soft, porous plastics	Squishy, sometimes tacky	Water-based	Skip them: they can't be cleaned all the way

Shape. Straight dildos are about fullness, and curved ones are for G-spots and prostates. A realistic dildo has a head, a shaft and often veins, while fantasy toys go wild with scales, ridges and knots. Browse realistic dildos and fantasy dildos, or keep it simple with a slim, smooth silicone shaft.

Lube: which one and how much

Lube is the one step you can't skip. A vagina makes some of its own, an ass makes none, and a dry toy drags wherever it goes.

Lube	Toy materials	Latex condoms	Good to know
Water-based	Every material	Safe	Rinses off easily; add more as it dries
Silicone-based	Glass and steel; can damage silicone toys	Safe	Lasts longest; try a dot on the toy first or skip it
Oil-based	Glass and steel	Breaks latex down	Keep it away from condoms and soft materials

Water-based is the safe default. It plays nicely with every toy material and with condoms. If you only ever buy one bottle, buy this kind.

Silicone lube and silicone toys can clash. Silicone lube can damage a silicone toy's surface. If you love how long it lasts, put a dot on the base, wait, and skip it on that toy if the spot turns tacky or dull.

Glass and steel take anything. Bare glass and bare steel are fine with every kind of lube. One catch: the glass pick in this guide sits on a silicone base, so keep silicone lube off that base.

Oil is for massage. It degrades latex condoms and soft materials, so keep it away from both.

How much. A good squeeze along the shaft, a little on you, and more the moment you feel any drag. For anal, double it and reapply often. Restock any time from our lube collection, and compare water-based, silicone and anal picks in our best lube guide.

Angles, strokes and rhythms

In and out is only one move. A nationally representative study of US women (PLOS ONE, 2021) put real numbers on four of them, and its definitions include sex toys.

• Shallowing. Short strokes just inside the entrance, where nerve endings crowd together. About 84% of women in that study use it.
• Angling. Move your hips, not only the toy: rotate, raise or lower your pelvis while it's inside. 87.5% said Angling makes penetration more pleasurable. A pillow under your butt is the lazy version.
• Rocking. Stay all the way inside and rock, so the base rubs your clit instead of thrusting in and out. Save it for a toy whose whole length feels good to you. About 76% use Rocking. It works best with a base that sits flush against you.
• Pairing. Your fingers or a vibrator on your clit while the dildo is inside. More on that in adding vibration.

Technique	How to do it	Best for
Shallowing	Only the head and first inch, in and out	Warming up, first times, the most sensitive zone
Angling	Tilt, lift or roll your hips around the toy	Finding your spot without changing toys
Rocking	Fully inside, only on a length that feels good, grinding the base on your clit	Clit and fullness at once, riding
Slow full stroke	As deep as feels good, back out to the tip, as slowly as you can stand	Learning your depth, building tension
The twist	Turn it a quarter turn as it moves	Ridged, veined or scaled toys
Come-hither press	Curve toward your belly, small presses on the front wall	The G-spot and the P-spot
Hold and squeeze	Stop wherever feels good inside, squeeze your muscles around it, release	Feeling the shape, slowing down
Deep and slow vs quick and shallow	A run of quick shallow strokes, then one deep, slow one	Teasing yourself, keeping it fresh
Edging	Get close, stop, cool off, build again	Drawing out the buildup

The twist works best on texture. A smooth shaft feels the same turning. A veined or scaled one feels completely new.

Hold and squeeze is underrated. Clench around the toy, hold for a breath, let go. It turns a still dildo into a slow, deep pulse.

Edging is a whole sport. Ride right up to the edge, back off, and go again; our edging guide has the full method.

Before you swap toys, tilt your hips. A pillow under your butt or one knee pulled to your chest changes the angle more than a new dildo would.

Best dildo positions on your own

The right position does half the work. These eight cover hands-on, hands-free, deep, shallow and showing off.

Position	Hands or hands-free	Best for	Good pick
On your back, knees up, pillow under your hips	Hands	First times, the G-spot, adding your clit	Temptasia Bellatrix
On your side, top knee up	Hands	Slow strokes, anal, tired arms	King Cobra (anal)
Face down, toy under you on a pillow	Hips	Grinding and Rocking, at your depth	Dr. Shepherd
Kneeling or squatting over a suction cup	Hands-free	Riding and depth control	Dr. Shepherd
Bed edge or a hard chair	Hands-free on the chair	Grinding, as deep as feels good	Glass Dildo (cup on the seat)
Standing in the shower, toy on the wall	Hands-free	Standing quickies, both feet on a non-slip mat, a hand on the wall	Any suction cup on smooth tile; a toy with a motor only as wet as its listing allows
Doggy against a wall-mounted toy	Hands-free	Vaginal strokes from behind, at your depth	Dr. Grey
Mirror floor show	Hands-free	Watching yourself, or being watched	Any suction-cup pick

On your back, knees up. The classic, and the best place to start. A pillow under your hips tilts your pelvis so a curve meets your front wall, and both hands stay free to steer the toy and touch your clit or cock.

On your side. Lie on one side, pull your top knee toward your chest and reach behind or between your legs. Gentle, easy on the arms, and a relaxed way to try anal.

Face down. Wedge the base into a firm pillow or a folded towel, lie on top and grind, with your knees under you so you choose the depth. You move with your hips, and on a length that feels good all the way in, that turns into Rocking.

Kneeling or squatting. Stick the cup to a smooth floor and lower yourself onto it. It's riding, and it gets its own section below.

Bed edge or a hard chair. Stick the cup to a hard chair seat, sit down slowly, and rock at whatever depth feels good. A cup won't grip a mattress, so on the edge of the bed, hold the base in one hand instead.

Standing in the shower. Press the cup to smooth tile at hip height, plant both feet on a non-slip mat, keep a hand on the wall or a grab bar, and ease back onto it. Lube the toy, not the floor, and keep the bottle close, since water rinses it off fast. If the cup sits low, kneel on the mat instead.

Doggy against the wall. Stick the cup to smooth tile, a mirror or a glass shower door at hip height, get on your hands and knees, and push back onto it. You set the depth by how far you rock.

The mirror floor show. Put a suction-cup dildo on a smooth floor in front of a full-length mirror and ride it while you watch. Add a partner on the bed and it's a private show. For partner positions with toys, see best positions for sex using sex toys.

How to ride a dildo (hands-free with a suction cup)

Riding puts you in charge of everything: depth, speed, angle and how long you tease yourself. Here's how to do it without the toy letting go halfway through.

Make the cup stick

1. Pick a smooth, hard, nonporous surface. Tile, glass, a mirror, a smooth floor or the seat of a hard chair. Carpet, fabric, wood grain and rough tile won't hold.
2. Clean and dry both sides. Wipe the surface and the cup. Dust, lint, lube and water all break the seal.
3. Keep lube off the cup. Lube the shaft generously; the base stays dry.
4. Press it flat. Push down firmly so the air squeezes out from under the rim, and give it a small twist as you press.
5. Rise straight up. A sharp pull at an angle breaks the seal. Lift off vertically and it stays put.

Your first ride

Squat or kneel over the toy, hold the base with one hand and lower yourself onto the tip. Keep that hand on the base for your first few rides: it's your depth stop and your steering wheel. Once you trust the seal, let go and use both hands on yourself.

Squat or kneel

Kneeling is easier on your thighs, so put a pillow or a folded towel under your knees. Squatting gives you finer control over depth, and your thighs will feel it the next day. Knees not up for either? Stick the cup to a hard chair and ride it sitting down, or read our guide to riding without kneeling.

Your thighs set the depth

Sink only as far as feels good, then push back up with your legs. Lean back a little and the head presses toward your front wall, the G-spot side; lean forward and it glides deeper along the back. Hold a sturdy surface (the bed frame, the edge of the tub, a chair back) for balance.

Rock instead of bouncing

Bouncing looks hot and feels like a workout. Try rocking instead: settle at a depth you like and roll your hips forward and back. On a toy whose whole length feels good to you, that puts the base against your clit or your perineum, which is Rocking from the techniques section, and it's where riding gets really good.

Facing the wall

It's the wall doggy from the positions section: you control the stroke by how far you rock back.

The chair and the floor

A hard chair seat lets you sit upright and grind, feet flat on the floor, taking only as much as feels good. A smooth floor lets you squat, kneel or lie back on your elbows. Put a mirror in front of either.

Why it lets go

• Lube or water on the cup. Wipe both dry and press again.
• Dust or lint. Rinse the cup, dry it, try again.
• A textured or porous surface. Move somewhere smoother.
• Pulling at an angle. Rise straight up and keep your weight centered over it.

The Dr. Shepherd 8 Inch is the riding pick in this guide: a suction cup its listing calls powerful, plus a posable shaft you bend to your angle. It's 2 inches wide, and 7.5 of its 8 inches can go in. Want slimmer? The Temptasia Bellatrix (1.5 inches), the Glass Dildo With Silicone Base (1.3 or 1.6 inches at its widest) and the Dr. Grey (1.5 inches, and it moves on its own) all mount on suction cups too, though only the Bellatrix and the King Cobra are for anal riding.

G-spot and P-spot: using a curved dildo

A curve changes everything. Instead of sliding past your most sensitive spot, a curved dildo can stay on it.

The G-spot

The G-spot is an area on the front wall of the vagina, a couple of inches in, on the belly-button side. It isn't a button. It's a zone that gets puffier and more responsive as you get turned on, so warm up first.

1. Lie back, knees up, pillow under your hips.
2. Slide a curved dildo in with the curve pointing at your belly.
3. Stop thrusting. Make short come-hither strokes that press the front wall rather than slide along it.
4. Go for pressure, not depth. Firm, slow and steady beats deep and fast here.
5. Add your clit once the pressure feels good.

Steel is brilliant for this. The Le Wand Stainless Steel Arch is a curved, double-ended steel crescent made for the G-spot, according to its listing, and its weight presses for you: slide it in, rest it on the spot and rock the outer end gently. One end has a rippled bulb for a textured massage; the other has a flattened tip for pinpoint pressure.

Feel like you need to pee? That's normal: the G-spot sits around the urethra, so pressure there can feel like you need to go. Pee first, put a towel down and breathe into the feeling. For some people it builds into squirting (our squirting guide explains), and with your clit in the mix it can turn into a blended orgasm.

The P-spot (prostate)

The prostate is a walnut-sized gland a couple of inches inside the ass, toward the belly. A slim curved dildo reaches it easily, and it likes slow pressure, not pounding.

Every anal rule applies (they're in the next section). The Temptasia Bellatrix's listing says its curve is meant for prostates as well as G-spots, and it ends in a suction-cup base, which has to stay outside your body the whole time.

Go in with the curve toward your belly button, then make slow come-hither rocks. A deep, full, almost-need-to-pee feeling usually means you've found it. Our prostate play guide goes much further.

How to use a dildo for anal: the flared-base rule

Anal with a dildo is fantastic and completely doable. It comes with one rule that never bends.

Anything that goes in your ass needs a flared base, or a base or handle that stays outside your body. The ass can draw a toy in, and a toy with nothing to stop it can end in an emergency room.

1. Choose a flared base, or a base that stays outside you, every time. The King Cobra has a wide, flanged base, per its listing, a tapered head, and a shaft that measures 1.3 inches at the slimmest point and 1.8 at the thickest.
2. Start slim and tapered. A narrow tip that widens gradually lets your body open at its own pace. Not ready for a dildo yet? Warm up with a small plug from our best butt plugs guide.
3. Keep prep simple. A bathroom trip and a shower are enough for most people. Some like to rinse first, and that's optional.
4. Lube like you mean it. The ass makes no lube of its own. Coat the toy and your hole, and reapply every few minutes.
5. Warm up with a finger. One lubed finger, slow circles at the rim, then just inside, before any toy.
6. Breathe out and push gently as it goes in. Bearing down slightly, as if you're letting go, helps the muscles at your entrance relax around the tip.
7. Go slow and never force it. Fullness and pressure are normal. Sharp pain means stop.
8. Ride it to control the depth. Stick the suction cup to a smooth floor or a hard chair and lower yourself only as far as feels good.
9. Never go from ass to vagina or mouth. Wash the toy first, or roll a fresh condom onto it.
10. Stuck? Get medical help right away. Don't keep fishing for it.

Feel like you need to poop? Normal: the toy is pressing on your rectum. Slow down, breathe, and the feeling usually fades.

For more anal technique, read anal orgasms and our beginner's guide to anal training. Shopping? Browse flared-base toys and every anal toy we carry.

How to use a dildo as a man (or any body without a vagina)

No vagina? Your route is your ass, and the prize is the prostate. Everything in the anal section applies: a flared base or a base that stays outside you, lots of lube, slow.

• On your back, knees to your chest. The easiest reach for your own hand, and a curve pointed at your belly is aimed at the prostate.
• On your side, top knee up. Relaxed, steady and easy to hold still.
• Riding a suction cup. Stick a flared, suction-based dildo to a hard chair or a smooth floor, squat over it with the curve toward your belly, and let your thighs set the depth.
• Stroke your cock while it's inside. An orgasm with the prostate pressed can feel deeper and fuller. Go slow and find out.

Liking a dildo in your ass says nothing about whether you're gay, straight, bi or anything else. It just means you have a prostate and you're paying attention to it.

With a partner wearing the dildo, it's pegging, covered in strap-on basics. More solo ideas live in our best sex toys for men.

Using a dildo with a partner

A dildo in bed isn't competition. It's a second set of hands that never gets tired, and it makes you both look very, very good.

Bringing it up

Pick a relaxed moment outside the bedroom and keep it light. Any of these work:

• "I bought something I want to try with you. Want to see it?"
• "Will you hold it while I show you how I like it?"
• "I'd love to watch you use this on yourself."

If they hesitate, offer to go first. If it's a no, take the no and let it rest.

Consent and check-ins

Agree on one word or a double tap for slower, and one for stop, then honor them instantly. Ask out loud as you go ("deeper or shallower?", "faster or slower?"). A yes to the toy isn't a yes to every speed and depth, so keep asking.

Let them hold it

The easiest way in: your hand over theirs on the base, at your pace. They feel your angle and rhythm, and you stay in control until you hand it over.

Using it on your partner

Using a dildo on a woman, your wife, or any partner with a vagina? Go slower than you think, ask before you go deeper, lube the toy and them, and start with just the head inside. Let their hips set the pace, then add their clit with your fingers, your mouth or a vibrator. The same rules work on any body, with the anal rules added for an ass.

During oral

Work a dildo in slow, shallow strokes while you lick their clit. It's two kinds of pleasure at once, and our guide to eating pussy has the tongue technique.

Show and tell

Use it on yourself while they watch, then swap. Watching your partner pick the angle and the speed teaches you more than any guide; see mutual masturbation.

Sharing a toy

Wash it between partners, or put a fresh condom on it every time it changes bodies. Our guide to condoms on sex toys shows how.

Strap-on basics

A strap-on is a dildo worn in a harness, so the wearer's hips do the thrusting. Here are the basics. For anal strap-on play, head straight to our pegging guide. To choose the harness and the dildo, see our 12 best strap-ons.

Harness	How it sits	Good for
Briefs	Like underwear, with a ring at the front	First tries and a snug, simple fit
Two-strap or jock	Adjustable straps around the hips and under the butt	Fine-tuning fit and angle
Thigh	A ring on a band around one thigh	Riding a partner's thigh, sitting positions

The base must be wider than the ring. A dildo stays in a harness because its base can't pull through the O-ring. Look for a listing that says so: the Strap-On-Me Cum Squirting is harness-compatible, the Temptasia Bellatrix is O-ring compatible, and the Dr. Grey's base fits a harness. The Dr. Shepherd and the King Cobra listings say harness compatible too.

Fit it snug. A loose harness means a floppy dildo. Tighten it until the base sits firm against the pubic bone.

Move from your hips. Thrust with your hips and core, not your arms. Start with short, slow strokes, angled a little toward your partner's belly, where the G-spot and the prostate both sit.

Get the angle right. Kneel upright between their legs for missionary, with a pillow under their hips. The receiver sets the pace and says when to go deeper. Agree on a word or a tap for slower and one for stop before you start, and check in as you go.

Want it strapless? Our best sex toys for couples covers strapless options.

A finish, if you want one. The Strap-On-Me's 30 ml syringe feeds a tube you can trim, so the wearer can squeeze out a finish on cue. Whatever you load ends up inside your partner, so load it with nothing but water-based lube or warm water, never anything with oil, sugar, scent or dairy in it. Afterward, flush the syringe and the tube with warm water and let them dry.

Anal strap-on play is pegging. The harness keeps the base outside the receiver's body, and every anal rule still applies. Of the picks in this guide, wear the Strap-On-Me, the Bellatrix or the King Cobra for it. Browse strap-ons and harnesses.

How to use a double-ended dildo

A double-ended dildo has a shaft at each end and no base, so the middle is your handle. One rule up front: if an end goes in an ass, keep a hand on the middle the whole time, and wash that end before it goes anywhere else.

Solo. Slide one end in and hold the middle; the free end becomes your handle. If it's flexible, bend it to your angle, then use Angling exactly as you would with a single dildo.

Together. Lube both ends well, agree on a pace, and decide who holds the middle. Each of you controls your own depth.

Position	How it works	Tip
Face to face (scissoring)	Lie facing each other, legs interlaced, one end each	Hold the middle together and push toward each other
On your backs, legs crossed	Heads at opposite ends, hips close	Easy on the arms; vaginal only, since no hand is on the middle
Back to back, hands and knees	Kneel facing away, ease back onto your ends	Go slow, it's deep fast; vaginal only, since no hand is free for the middle
Sitting facing each other	Sit upright, legs over each other's thighs	Kiss, grind, eye contact

The Together Vibe Duo is made for this: 17.5 inches of malleable silicone that bends to both bodies, with nine thrusting modes and nine vibration modes. Its listing pitches it at couples who each take an end, face to face above all. More toys for two are in our couples collection.

Temperature play with glass and steel

Glass and steel hold temperature, so you can play warm or cool. Done right, it's one of the easiest new sensations to add.

1. Use the tap only. Run warm or cool tap water over it for a minute or so.
2. Test it on your inner wrist. If it's too warm or too cold there, it's too much anywhere else.
3. Skip extremes. Tap water gives you plenty of range; you don't need anything hotter or colder.
4. Check glass for chips every time. Run a fingertip over it. Any chip or crack means it's retired, no exceptions.
5. Let steel do the pressing. It's heavy, so rest it in place and rock it rather than thrusting.
6. Match the lube. Any lube works on bare glass or steel; keep silicone lube off a silicone base.

The Glass Dildo With Silicone Base is borosilicate glass you can warm or cool before adding lube, with a silicone suction cup to ride it on, in a 7 Inch (1.3 inches at its widest) or 7.6 Inch (1.6 inches). The Le Wand Arch is solid stainless steel, heavy and hard, and its listing says to warm or cool it under water. Warm feels like melting; cool feels like a gasp.

Adding vibration: vibrating dildos, thrusting dildos and a vibrator on the side

If penetration alone doesn't get you there, you have plenty of company. In a 2015 national survey of US women (Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 2018), 18.4% said intercourse alone was enough for orgasm, while 36.6% said clitoral stimulation was necessary for orgasm during intercourse. Another 36% said they didn't need it, but their orgasms feel better when the clit is stimulated during intercourse.

The PLOS ONE 2021 study has a name for the fix: Pairing, touching the clit with a finger or toy during penetration, solo or with a partner. 69.7% of US women said it makes them orgasm more often or makes penetration more pleasurable.

• A bullet on your clit. Hold a small vibrator on your clit while the dildo moves, or let a partner do it.
• A wand on the base. Press a wand vibrator against the base of the dildo. Hard toys carry the buzz up the shaft better than soft ones, and the wand head is right by your clit anyway.
• A dildo that moves itself. The Dr. Grey vibrates, thrusts and gyrates. It has 50 settings in all (5 speeds, each with 10 patterns), run from buttons on the toy or a wireless remote you can hand a partner. Its suction cup lets you mount it and ride, and it's splashproof only, so keep it out of the bath.
• Thrusting toys and machines. When you want the motion without the arm work, see our best thrusting dildos.

For every vibrator type and how to use each one, read our sister guide, how to use a vibrator.

The best dildos to learn on

Eight dildos, one for each type this guide teaches. Every fact below comes from the toy's own listing, and prices run from $23.95 to $134.95. Want more choice? Our full buying guide to the best dildos covers far more toys.

Whichever you choose, orders ship within 1 business day and usually arrive in 4 to 7 business days.

Pick	Type	Best for	Price
Temptasia Bellatrix	Slim curved silicone	First times, the G-spot, the prostate	$23.95
Dr. Shepherd 8 Inch	Realistic dildo, suction cup	Riding hands-free	$51.95
Le Wand Stainless Steel Arch	Curved steel, double-ended	G-spot pressure, temperature play	$97.95
King Cobra	Fantasy, flanged base	Anal, riding	$73.95
Strap-On-Me Cum Squirting	Harness-compatible, squirting	Strap-on play	$89.95
Together Vibe Duo	Double-ended, thrusts and vibrates	Two bodies at once	$134.95
Glass Dildo With Silicone Base	Glass, suction cup	Temperature play	from $43.95
Dr. Grey	Realistic dildo that vibrates and thrusts	Powered play, a partner on the remote	$81.95

1. Temptasia Bellatrix: the first one to learn on

If you buy one dildo to learn on, start here. At its thickest it measures 1.5 inches, and it runs 6.25 inches from tip to base, most of it insertable, so it's slim enough for a first time and curved enough to find a G-spot or a prostate, both of which its listing names. The silicone shaft is soft and silky, and it picks up your body heat (or a warm rinse) so it never starts out chilly.

Its base is a suction cup, a strong one per the listing, that grips smooth surfaces for riding. It's also O-ring harness compatible, so one toy works in your hand, on the floor or strapped on. For prostate play, keep that suction-cup base outside your body the whole time. $23.95.

Get the Temptasia Bellatrix here.

2. Dr. Shepherd 8 Inch: for riding hands-free

This is the toy that teaches riding. Its suction cup, which the listing calls powerful, locks onto smooth, clean surfaces, and the shaft is posable: bend it to the angle your body wants, then sit down on it slowly, only as far as feels good. It's a realistic dildo with a confident 2-inch width and 7.5 of its 8 inches insertable, so think of it as your second dildo rather than your first.

It's silicone, easy to wash, and harness compatible for when a partner wants to wear it. Its listing names neither the prostate nor a flared base, and 2 inches is a lot of width for an ass, so this guide keeps it for vaginal play. $51.95.

Get the Dr. Shepherd 8 Inch here.

3. Le Wand Stainless Steel Arch: for G-spot pressure and temperature play

Steel changes how G-spot play feels. The Arch is a crescent of solid stainless steel, curved for the G-spot and double-ended, so whichever end isn't inside is your handle. One end is a rippled bulb for a textured massage, the other a flattened tip for exact pressure, and the weight leans on the spot so your wrist doesn't have to.

It takes any lube, warms or cools under the tap, and washes up with soap and water. It's 1.44 inches in diameter, with 8.53 inches you can insert. It's a G-spot toy, not one for the ass. $97.95.

Get the Le Wand Arch here.

4. King Cobra: for anal, thanks to its flanged base

This is the anal pick because of its base: a wide, flanged one, in the listing's words, which is exactly what the flared-base rule asks for. The tapered head makes the start easy, the shaft goes from 1.3 inches at its slimmest to 1.8 at its thickest, and a curved neck angles toward your sensitive spots while textured scales cover the body.

It's silicone, firm with some flex, and its strong suction cup holds it to a smooth, flat surface for riding; the same base slots into a harness when you want to strap it on. The listing advises water-based lube and calls the toy long without giving a length, so take only as much as feels good. $73.95.

Get the King Cobra here.

5. Strap-On-Me Cum Squirting: for strap-on play

A slim 1.4-inch silicone dildo that's harness-compatible, firm with some give, and shaped to hit a G-spot or a P-spot, so it suits any receiver. It's 7.7 inches long overall.

The fun part is the finish: a 30 ml syringe you fill with nothing but water-based lube or warm water, a tube of about 32 inches you can cut to length, and three outlet pipes in the base so it suits a left or a right hand. Squeeze when you want it to come. For anal, use it only in a harness, which keeps the base outside the body. $89.95.

Get the Strap-On-Me Cum Squirting here.

6. Together Vibe Duo: for two bodies at once

The Duo's 17.5 inches of malleable silicone bends to fit both bodies, which means you can lie face to face, one end each, and still look each other in the eye. Both ends give targeted stimulation, and it thrusts and vibrates, with nine modes of each.

Neither end has a base, and its listing names neither the prostate nor a flared base, so this guide keeps it for vaginas. The listing gives no widths or insertable length, so go slow and let each body find its own depth. $134.95.

Get the Together Vibe Duo here.

7. Glass Dildo With Silicone Base: for temperature play

Glass makes temperature play simple: warm or cool it under the tap, add lube, and enjoy a firm, slick glide. The round head and slightly tapered tip make the start easy, and the silicone suction cup at the bottom turns it into a riding toy.

Two sizes: the 7 Inch tops out at 1.3 inches wide with 6.4 inches insertable ($43.95), and the 7.6 Inch tops out at 1.6 inches with 6 inches insertable ($66.95). Any lube suits the glass, but keep silicone lube off the base, and check it for chips before every use. Its listing names neither the prostate nor a flared base, so this guide keeps it for vaginal play.

Get the Glass Dildo here.

8. Dr. Grey: for vibrating and thrusting

The powered pick, at a first-timer size: 1.5 inches wide with 5.5 inches insertable, so you get all the motion without much girth. It vibrates, thrusts and gyrates across 50 settings (5 speeds, 10 patterns each), controlled by buttons on its body or by a wireless remote that comes with it.

Give a partner the remote, or stick the suction cup down and ride while it does the work; the base fits a harness too. It's a realistic dildo in silicone, USB rechargeable and splashproof, so rinse it but never soak it. Its listing names neither the prostate nor a flared base, so keep it for vaginal play, strapped on or not. $81.95.

Get the Dr. Grey here.

When it isn't working: troubleshooting

Every body has off nights. Here's what to change when something isn't right.

Problem	Try this
It hurts going in	Stop. More lube, more warm-up, a slimmer toy. Pain that's sharp or doesn't fade: talk to your doctor.
It won't go in	Breathe out and push gently outward as you press, change the angle, go smaller, and give arousal more time.
It slips out or won't stay in	Keep a hand on the base, squeeze your thighs closer, or ride it so gravity does the holding.
The suction cup won't stick or lets go mid-ride	Dry, dust-free cup and surface, smooth nonporous spot, press the air out, rise straight up.
It feels like nothing	Warm up longer, go shallow, tilt your hips, try a curve or texture, add your clit or cock.
You can't come from penetration alone	Normal, and the numbers in the vibration section back you up. Add your clit or cock with a hand or a vibrator (Pairing).
You feel like you need to pee	That's G-spot pressure. Pee first, towel down, breathe into it.
You feel like you need to poop	Normal with anal. Slow down, breathe, add lube.
You're sore or chafed after	More lube, shorter sessions, a smaller size, and a few days off. Soreness that doesn't fade: talk to your doctor.
The strap-on flops or slides	Tighten the harness and check the base is wider than the ring.
Your partner goes too fast	Use your slow-down word, put your hand over theirs on the base, or ride them instead.
You only enjoy it with a vibrator	That's a preference, not a problem. Keep the vibrator in the mix.
Pain or bleeding that doesn't stop	Stop playing and talk to your doctor.

Safety: the rules that matter

None of these are hard. All of them matter.

• A flared base for anything in the ass. Or a base or handle that stays outside your body. No exceptions.
• Never ass to vagina or mouth. Wash the toy first, or change the condom.
• Stop at sharp pain. Pressure and fullness are fine; sharp is a stop sign.
• Wash between partners or use a fresh condom. Toys can carry infections between people.
• Check glass for chips before every use, and retire it if you find one.
• Match the lube to the material. Water-based on silicone, anything on bare glass or steel, no oil with latex condoms.
• Something stuck in the rectum? Get medical help right away.
• Pain, bleeding, pregnancy or a health condition? Talk to your doctor.

Cleaning and storage by material

Wash every toy before you play and again after. Here's how, material by material.

Material	How to clean	Lube	Store
Silicone and dual-density silicone	Lather with gentle soap under warm water, or spray on a toy cleaner, rinse, dry completely	Water-based	In its own pouch, apart from other toys
Glass	Same wash, then check every surface for chips	Any on the glass; no silicone lube on a silicone base	Padded pouch or box so it can't knock
Stainless steel	Same wash, then dry it fully	Any	Pouch or box
Toys with a motor	Wipe the body clean; only rinse what the listing rates for water (the Dr. Grey is splashproof: rinse, never soak)	Water-based	Charged, dry and apart
Suction cups	Rinse away lint and dust, then let the cup dry	Keep lube off the cup	Cup clean and flat

Store each toy on its own, in a pouch or a box, away from heat and sunlight. Dry it completely first, since a damp toy in a closed bag is nobody's friend.

How to use a dildo: FAQ

Does using a dildo hurt the first time?

It shouldn't: a stretch or a sense of fullness is normal, but pain usually means too little arousal, too little lube or too big a toy. Warm up until you're properly turned on, be generous with water-based lube, start with a slim dildo and go shallow first. If it hurts, stop and try again another day. Sharp pain or bleeding means stop and talk to your doctor.

How deep should a dildo go?

Only as deep as feels good, and shallow can be plenty: in a nationally representative study (PLOS ONE, 2021), about 84% of US women said they use Shallowing to make penetration more pleasurable. Go deeper gradually and never push through discomfort. In an ass, the same goes, with a flared base or a base that stays outside you and lots of lube. Go slow, never force it, stop at sharp pain, wash it or change the condom before a vagina or mouth, and get medical help right away if it gets stuck.

What size dildo should I get?

For a first dildo, start slim: about 1.5 inches wide, with 5 to 6 inches insertable. Width matters more than length, because width is what you feel at the entrance (if a listing gives a circumference, divide it by about 3.14 to get the width). Once a toy feels easy, size up about a quarter inch at a time.

Do you need lube with a dildo?

Yes, almost always: even when you're wet, lube makes a dildo glide instead of drag. Water-based lube is safe with every toy material and with condoms; silicone lube can damage silicone toys (test a dot first), and oil breaks down latex condoms and soft materials. An ass makes no lube of its own, so for anal use plenty, with a flared base or a base that stays outside you; go slow, never force it, stop at sharp pain, wash it or change the condom before a vagina or mouth, and get medical help right away if it gets stuck.

How do you make a suction cup dildo stick?

Use a smooth, hard, nonporous surface, and make sure the cup and the surface are clean and dry. Tile, glass, a mirror, a smooth floor or a hard chair seat all work; carpet, fabric and textured tile don't. Keep lube off the cup, press it down firmly to push the air out, and rise straight up instead of pulling at an angle.

Can you use a dildo for anal?

Yes, as long as it has a flared base, or a base or handle that stays outside your body. The ass can pull a toy inside, so a dildo with no base should never go there. Start slim and tapered, use lots of lube, go slow, never force it and stop at sharp pain. Never move a toy from your ass to a vagina or mouth without washing it or changing the condom, and if one gets stuck, get medical help right away.

How do guys use a dildo?

Through the ass, to reach the prostate, with a slim, curved dildo that has a flared base or a base that stays outside your body. Use lots of lube, go slow, never force it and stop at sharp pain, then lie back with your knees up or ride a suction cup with the curve toward your belly, pressing gently while you stroke your cock. Wash it or change the condom before it goes near a mouth or vagina, and if it gets stuck, get medical help right away. With a partner wearing it, it's pegging.

Can you use a dildo if you're a virgin?

Yes: the steps are the same whether or not you've had penetrative sex, only slower and smaller. Warm up first, start with one lubed finger, then the slimmest dildo you have, well coated in water-based lube. A gentle stretch is normal, but stop at sharp pain, and if there's bleeding, talk to your doctor. What counts as losing your virginity is up to you.

Are there any side effects to using a dildo?

Soreness can happen if you go too long, too big or too dry; lube, a sensible size and breaks help prevent it. Shared toys can pass infections, so wash between partners or use a fresh condom. For anal: a flared base or a base that stays outside you, lots of lube, a slow pace; never force it, stop at sharp pain, wash it or change the condom before a vagina or mouth, and get medical help right away if it gets stuck. Pain, bleeding or soreness that doesn't fade means talk to your doctor.

Can you use a dildo with a partner?

Yes, and it's one of the easiest toys to share. Let your partner hold it while you guide their hand, use it during oral, or take turns watching each other. Agree on a word or a tap for slower and one for stop, and keep checking in. Wash it between bodies or put a fresh condom on it every time it moves to a new one.

How do you use a strap-on?

Put a harness-compatible dildo through the O-ring (its base must be wider than the ring) and tighten it until the base sits snug against your pubic bone. Lube the toy and your partner, start slow and shallow, let the receiver set the pace, and agree on a word for stop. Anal strap-on play is pegging: the harness keeps the base outside; still use lots of lube, go slow, never force it, stop at sharp pain, wash it or change the condom before a vagina or mouth, and get medical help right away if it gets stuck.

Can you use a dildo in the shower?

Yes, if it has a suction cup and there's smooth tile to stick it to. Press the cup flat on clean, dry tile at hip height, plant both feet on a non-slip mat, keep a hand on the wall or a grab bar, and lube the toy rather than the floor. If the cup sits low, kneel on the mat instead. A toy with a motor only gets as wet as its listing allows: the Dr. Grey is splashproof only, so keep it out of the direct spray and rinse it at the sink.

What's the difference between a vibrator and a dildo?

A dildo is made for penetration and doesn't need a motor; a vibrator buzzes, and you can use it inside or out. Some toys are both: a vibrating dildo like the Dr. Grey adds vibration, thrusting and gyration to a shaft. You can use one of each at once, a dildo inside and a vibrator on the clit.

How do you clean a dildo?

Wash it every time, both before you play and after, using gentle soap and warm water (a toy cleaner works too), then leave it out until it's bone dry. Glass, steel and silicone toys without a motor can go under the tap; a toy with a motor only gets as wet as its listing allows. Check glass for chips each time, and store each toy on its own.

How long do dildos last?

It depends on the material and how you look after it. Glass and steel keep going as long as they never chip or crack, and silicone holds up well with water-based lube and proper cleaning. Retire any dildo that cracks, chips, tears or turns sticky, because it can't be cleaned properly anymore. Storing toys apart, away from heat and sunlight, helps them last.

The bottom line

Using a dildo well comes down to a few habits: get turned on first, use more lube than you think, start slim and shallow, and let your hips find the angle. Ride it when you want control, curve it toward your belly to find a G-spot or a prostate, and give anything that goes in your ass a flared base or a base that stays outside you. Choose your next toy with our best dildos guide, add a buzz with how to use a vibrator, take your ass further with anal orgasms, or browse every dildo we stock.

Every order ships discreetly from the US, free over $75.

Maya Sterling, AdultLuxe editorial. Read our editorial standards.