Kink List: 192 Kinks Explained

Biting

GentleTwo sides: Bite or Get bittenAlso called: love bites, bite kink, nibbling, odaxelagnia

Nibbling or biting a partner's neck, shoulders, thighs or ass during sex, from gentle nips to firmer bites that leave a mark. It mixes affection, a little possessiveness and a sharp jolt of sensation, and it is easy to dial up or down.

Safety: Stop short of breaking the skin, since human bites that break skin can get infected easily.

First step: Try soft nibbles on a shoulder or earlobe, then ask whether they want it gentler or harder.

Erotic massage

GentleTwo sides: Give a massage or Get a massageAlso called: sensual massage, body rub, nuru massage, oil massage

A slow, full-body massage that gradually turns sexual. Warm oil, unhurried hands and the freedom to simply lie back make it one of the gentlest ways to build arousal and trust. It works as foreplay or as the whole event.

Safety: Oil weakens latex condoms, so switch to a condom-safe lube before a condom comes into play.

First step: Trade fifteen-minute back massages with warm oil, then let the second one wander wherever it wants.

Wand vibrators

Feather and light-touch teasing

GentleTwo sides: Tease or Get teasedAlso called: feather tickler, feather play, fur mitt, light touch

Light, slow strokes with a feather, fur mitt, silk scarf or just fingertips to wake up every nerve. Paired with a blindfold, the guessing game of where the next touch lands is half the fun. Soft, teasing and very beginner friendly.

First step: Trace slow lines down your partner's back with your fingertips, barely touching, for five unhurried minutes.

Grinding and dry humping

GentleAlso called: grinding, dry humping, humping, frottage

Rubbing your body against a partner, a thigh, a pillow or a toy for pleasure, often fully or partly clothed. It builds tension slowly, feels a little naughty, and suits anyone who loves external stimulation, whatever their anatomy.

First step: Make out fully clothed and let your hips do the moving, with no rush to undress.

Grinding sex toys

Hair pulling

GentleTwo sides: Pull hair or Get hair pulledAlso called: pull my hair, hair grabbing, hair pull

Grabbing a handful of hair, usually at the back of the head, to guide a partner's movements or add a jolt of sensation. For many it is less about pain and more about feeling held, wanted and a little controlled.

Safety: Grip close to the scalp and pull steadily instead of yanking, and avoid wrenching the neck backward.

First step: Run your fingers into their hair at the nape, close your fist gently, and give a slow tug.

Nipple play

GentleTwo sides: Tease theirs or Get yours teasedAlso called: nipple suckers, nipple torture, nipple sucking, nipple vibrators

Stimulating the nipples with fingers, mouths, suction, vibration or clamps. Sensitivity varies hugely from person to person and body to body, so this runs from soft licking to intense pinching. For some people, nipples alone can be enough to come.

Safety: Keep clamps and suction on for short stretches, and expect removal to sting more than putting them on.

First step: Spend a few slow minutes on just their nipples, alternating soft licks and gentle pinches, and watch their reaction.

Nipple orgasms guide

Scratching

GentleTwo sides: Scratch or Get scratchedAlso called: nails, claw marks, nail play

Dragging fingernails, or tools made for it, across the skin for a tingle, a shiver or a trail of red lines. It can be a light, teasing touch or a deliberate way to leave marks after a passionate session.

Safety: Keep nails clean and smooth, and ease off before you break the skin.

First step: Drag your nails lightly down your partner's back, then a little firmer, and ask which they liked.

Tickling

GentleTwo sides: Tickle or Get tickledAlso called: tickle torture, tickle fetish, knismolagnia, tickled

Tickling a partner, often while they're tied up, for the laughter, squirming and giggly helplessness. It can be silly and affectionate, flirty foreplay, or an intense test of endurance, depending on how far you take it.

Safety: Agree on a clear stop signal first, because someone can be laughing and genuinely panicking at the same time.

First step: Agree on a stop word, then find your partner's most ticklish spot and keep going a little longer than usual.

Wartenberg wheel and pinwheels

GentleTwo sides: Roll the wheel or Feel the wheelAlso called: Wartenberg wheel, pinwheel, neuro wheel, pin wheel

A small handheld wheel lined with fine pins, rolled across the skin for a prickly, tingling, goosebump-raising sensation. It began as a medical tool for testing nerve response, and it is an easy entry into sensation play.

Safety: Use light pressure so the pins never break skin, and clean the wheel between uses and partners.

First step: Roll the wheel lightly up your partner's inner arm, then their back, and ask which spot tingled most.

Begging

GentleTwo sides: Make them beg or Beg for itAlso called: beg, beg for it, please kink, pleading

One partner pleads for a kiss, a touch, or permission to come, and the other decides when, or whether, to give in. It is part teasing, part power play, and hearing someone want you that badly is a big turn-on.

First step: Tease them slowly, then stop and tell them they have to ask nicely for more.

Dirty talk

GentleTwo sides: Talk dirty or Hear dirty talkAlso called: talking dirty, sex talk, filthy talk, naughty talk

Saying explicit things out loud during sex: what you are doing, what you want next, or how good it feels. It can be sweet, crude, or commanding. It costs nothing, and you learn exactly what turns your partner on.

First step: Tell them one thing that feels good, the moment it feels good.

Fantasy sharing and erotic stories

GentleAlso called: fantasy sharing, erotic stories, reading erotica, telling fantasies

Describing your fantasies out loud or reading erotica together, with no obligation to act any of it out. It is a low-pressure way to learn what turns each other on. A story can say things you feel too shy to say yourself.

First step: Read a short erotic story aloud to each other in bed, taking turns by paragraph.

Jerk-off instruction (JOI)

GentleTwo sides: Give instructions or Follow instructionsAlso called: JOI, JOE, jerk off instruction, masturbation instruction

One person tells the other exactly how to touch themselves: speed, pressure, where, when to stop, and when to finish. It works in person, on the phone, or over video, for any body. Following orders takes the guesswork away, and giving them is a thrill.

First step: Call them while they're alone in bed and walk them through it, one slow instruction at a time.

Phone sex

GentleAlso called: phone sex call, audio sex, voice call sex

Getting each other off over a phone or voice call, using descriptions, instructions, and the sounds you make. Without anything to look at, imagination does the heavy lifting. It is a long-distance favorite and an easy way to practice dirty talk.

First step: Call them from bed tonight and describe, slowly, what you would do if they were there.

App-controlled & long-distance toys

Praise kink

GentleTwo sides: Give praise or Get praisedAlso called: good girl, good boy, praise, pet names

Getting turned on by compliments and approval, like hearing 'good girl' or 'good boy' or being told you're doing so well. It is often part of submission or orgasm control, but it can be pure sweetness too. Anyone can enjoy it, with any words that fit.

First step: Tell them exactly what they're doing right, in the moment, and notice how they respond.

Sexting

GentleAlso called: dirty texts, sexts, sext, naughty texts

Sending sexy messages, and sometimes photos, by text or chat app. It builds tension through the day and suits anyone who finds it easier to type what they want than to say it. A single suggestive line can set up the whole night.

Safety: Only send nudes to someone who wants them, assume anything can be screenshotted, and know forwarding someone's photos without their yes can be a crime.

First step: Text them one line about what you're thinking of doing to them later, then go quiet.

Voice and audio kink

GentleAlso called: voice kink, auralism, ASMR, moaning

Being aroused by voices and sounds, such as a low voice, whispering in your ear, moaning, or erotic audio stories. For some people, how something is said matters more than what is said. Headphones and closed eyes make it feel like they're right there.

First step: Put on headphones, close your eyes, and listen to an erotic audio story, solo or together.

Clothed sex

GentleAlso called: sex with clothes on, partially clothed, skirt up

Keeping some or all of your clothes on during sex, for urgency, texture, or the tease of what stays hidden. It often feels spontaneous and a little sneaky, like you couldn't wait long enough to undress.

First step: Start making out fully dressed and see how far you get before anything comes off.

Corsets

GentleTwo sides: Lace them in or Get laced inAlso called: corset, corsetry, tight lacing, waist training

A love of corsets and the shape they create, plus the ritual of lacing a partner in. The slow tightening, the hug-like hold and the posture it brings are all part of it, and corsets suit every gender and body.

Safety: Tight lacing limits breathing, so lace gradually and loosen right away at any dizziness, numbness or pain.

First step: Lace your partner into a corset slowly, checking in with each pull, then admire the result together.

Gloves

GentleAlso called: glove fetish, leather gloves, latex gloves, opera gloves

Arousal from gloves: the feel of gloved hands on your skin, or the tease of watching someone slowly pull them on. Leather, latex and satin opera gloves are the classic favorites, each bringing its own mood, from elegant to commanding.

First step: Pull on a pair of gloves slowly in front of your partner, then run your hands over them.

Leather

GentleAlso called: leather fetish, leather daddy, leathermen, leather harness

A fetish for leather clothing and gear, like jackets, harnesses, chaps, boots and gloves. The smell, creak and snug weight are half the appeal, and leather has a proud history in queer and BDSM culture.

First step: Wear something leather to bed, even just a belt or gloves, and notice the smell and feel.

Bondage restraints

Lingerie

GentleAlso called: sexy underwear, garters, teddy, corset lingerie

Wearing, or seeing a partner in, lace, satin, garter belts or other sexy underwear, whatever your gender or body. It's a simple turn-on to try, and for many people the unwrapping is half the fun.

In a national US survey, 75% of women and 26% of men had worn sexy lingerie or underwear for a partner. Source: Herbenick et al., PLoS ONE, 2017; a national US sample of 2,021 adults.

First step: Wear something lacy under your everyday clothes and let your partner discover it later.

Shoes, heels and boots

GentleAlso called: high heels, heels, stilettos, boots

Attraction to high heels, boots, sneakers or socks, whether worn by a partner or enjoyed as objects in their own right. It might mean boot worship, admiring a shoe collection, or simply asking someone to keep their heels on in bed.

First step: Ask your partner to keep their shoes or boots on during foreplay, and take a long, appreciative look.

Spandex and zentai

GentleAlso called: zentai, spandex, lycra, morphsuit

A fetish for tight, stretchy fabrics like spandex, including full-body zentai suits that cover even the face. The smooth, anonymous look and the second-skin feel are the main draw, and touching through the fabric adds a dreamy, silky sensation.

Safety: If the face is covered, make sure breathing stays easy and take breaks to cool down.

First step: Slip into something stretchy and skintight, then invite your partner to explore you through the fabric.

Stockings, nylons and pantyhose

GentleAlso called: stockings, nylons, pantyhose, hosiery

Attraction to the look and feel of stockings, nylons or pantyhose on someone's legs, including stroking, smelling or tearing them during sex. Back seams, garters and sheer textures each have devoted fans, and anyone can wear them.

First step: Wear stockings or sheer tights to bed and invite your partner to slowly explore your legs.

Underwear and panties

GentleAlso called: panty fetish, panties, worn panties, underwear fetish

Attraction to underwear, often pieces that have been worn, for their look, feel or scent. It covers everything from panties to jockstraps and boxer briefs, and some people love collecting a partner's worn pairs. There's an intimacy to something that's been that close to someone.

First step: Leave a pair you've worn somewhere your partner will find it, with a flirty note.

Uniforms

GentleAlso called: uniform fetish, military uniform, police uniform, nurse outfit

Attraction to uniforms like military, police, medical, pilot or service outfits, and the authority or roles they suggest. A uniform gives instant character, so this often leads naturally into role play, from a strict officer to an attentive nurse.

First step: Pick a uniform you both find hot, dress up for a night, and let the role do the talking.

Body worship

GentleTwo sides: Worship or Be worshippedAlso called: worship, worshipping, navel, belly worship

Lavishing a partner's body with slow, devoted attention: kissing, licking, massaging and praising every part, from shoulders to stomach to thighs. It can be tender and romantic or part of a submissive role. Being adored that thoroughly feels wonderfully indulgent.

First step: Spend ten minutes kissing and praising your partner's body, everywhere except the obvious spots.

Breast and chest play

GentleTwo sides: Play with theirs or Have yours played withAlso called: breast play, boob worship, titty fuck, breast bondage

Focusing on the breasts or chest by kissing, squeezing, sucking, nibbling or sliding a cock between them. Sensitivity varies a lot from person to person and even day to day, so the fun is in learning exactly what feels good.

First step: Spend all of foreplay on your partner's chest and nipples, asking what feels good.

Nipple clamps & suckers

Butt worship

GentleTwo sides: Worship theirs or Have yours worshippedAlso called: ass worship, booty worship, ass fetish

Devoted attention to a partner's ass: admiring it, kissing, squeezing, spanking, or burying your face in it. It overlaps with rimming and spanking, but the heart of it is pure appreciation, and it feels good to be adored back there.

First step: Give your partner a slow, lingering butt massage, taking your time to admire the view.

Foot fetish and foot worship

GentleTwo sides: Worship feet or Have yours worshippedAlso called: foot fetish, feet, foot worship, podophilia

Attraction to feet, from admiring their shape to massaging, kissing, sucking toes, or footjobs. It's a widely shared fetish. Many foot lovers also enjoy shoes, socks or stockings, and plenty of people simply adore a good foot rub.

First step: Offer your partner a long foot massage with lotion, and let it drift into kisses if it feels right.

Genital worship

GentleTwo sides: Worship or Be worshippedAlso called: cock worship, pussy worship, dick worship

Slow, devoted attention to a partner's genitals as an act of admiration: looking, touching, kissing and praising, often with lots of eye contact. The focus is adoration, not racing to orgasm, and being worshipped like that is a real treat.

First step: Touch your partner slowly with no goal, telling them out loud exactly what you love about them down there.

Hair fetish

GentleTwo sides: Play with theirs or Have yours played withAlso called: trichophilia, long hair, hair play, hair brushing

Arousal from hair: its length, texture, color or scent, or the intimacy of brushing, washing or styling it. It overlaps with hair pulling but centers on admiration and touch, and having someone lovingly handle your hair can feel blissful.

First step: Brush or wash your partner's hair slowly, paying attention to how it feels for both of you.

Hand fetish

GentleTwo sides: Admire their hands or Show off yoursAlso called: hands, fingers, finger sucking

Attraction to hands and fingers: their shape and movement, rings or painted nails, or simply how they feel on your skin. Kissing palms and sucking fingers are common ways it shows up in bed. It's an easy kink to enjoy anywhere, even holding hands at dinner.

First step: Take your partner's hand and slowly kiss each fingertip, then their palm and wrist.

Muscle worship

GentleTwo sides: Worship muscles or Flex and show offAlso called: muscles, bodybuilder, flexing, muscle fetish

Admiring, touching and praising a muscular body, often while its owner flexes, shows off, or uses their strength to lift and pin. Gym clothes and post-workout sweat are a big part of the appeal, and people of every gender enjoy both roles.

First step: Ask your partner to flex for you, then trace each muscle with your hands and lips.

Pregnancy fetish

GentleAlso called: maiesiophilia, pregnant sex, pregnancy kink

Attraction to pregnant bodies or to sex during pregnancy, often focused on the round belly, fuller curves and the changes pregnancy brings. It's separate from breeding kink, which centers on conception, and some people enjoy it purely as fantasy or with a costume belly.

Safety: Check with a doctor or midwife about any pregnancy-specific limits on sex.

First step: Tell your partner what you find sexy about pregnant bodies, as fantasy talk during foreplay.

Scent and smell

GentleAlso called: scent kink, smell fetish, olfactophilia, worn underwear

Arousal from a partner's natural scent, like sweat, musk, or the smell of their worn clothes and underwear. Scent is closely tied to attraction and memory, and plenty of people love their partner's smell without ever calling it a kink.

First step: Borrow a shirt your partner has worn and notice how their scent makes you feel.

Size difference

GentleAlso called: size kink, height difference, tall partner, size gap

Arousal from a big contrast in height or build between partners. It might mean being scooped up, pinned or towered over, or doing the lifting yourself. The thrill is feeling small and protected, or big and powerful, in any gender pairing.

First step: Sit in your partner's lap, or have them sit in yours, and play up how small or big you feel.

Tattoos and piercings

GentleAlso called: tattoo fetish, piercing fetish, stigmatophilia, pierced

Attraction to tattooed or pierced bodies, from tracing a partner's ink to playing with their piercings during sex. Some people say nipple and genital piercings add sensation for the wearer too, and many simply find body art sexy.

Safety: Wait until new piercings are fully healed before playing with them, and keep tugging gentle.

First step: Trace each of your partner's tattoos with your fingertips and ask them to tell you its story.

Hands-free strokers

GentleTwo sides: Run the controls or Get strokedAlso called: automatic stroker, blowjob machine, hands-free masturbator, stroker machine

Motorized sleeves that stroke, suck or squeeze a penis on their own, so the user can lie back and enjoy. People use them for hands-free solo fun, edging practice, or 'forced' orgasm scenes where a partner controls the settings.

First step: Start on the lowest speed with plenty of lube, solo, so you learn what you like first.

Automatic strokers guide

Remote-control and app play

GentleTwo sides: Hold the remote or Wear the toyAlso called: remote control vibrator, app controlled vibrator, long distance sex toys, teledildonics

Toys your partner controls with a remote, a phone app or over the internet from anywhere in the world. Handing someone else control of your pleasure, at home, out on a discreet date or long distance, is the whole turn-on.

First step: Wear a remote-controlled toy around the house for an hour and let your partner surprise you with it.

App-controlled vibrators guide

Sex furniture and swings

GentleAlso called: sex swing, sex furniture, wedge pillow, door swing

Swings, wedges, ramps and padded furniture that support your body during sex, take weight off joints or hold a partner in place. They open up new angles, make favorite positions more comfortable and let you go longer without tiring.

Safety: Check the weight rating and mounting hardware before every use, especially for door and ceiling swings.

First step: Slide a firm pillow or wedge under your hips during your favorite position and notice the new angle.

Sex furniture

Strap-ons

GentleTwo sides: Wear it or Take itAlso called: strap-on, strapon, harness, dildo harness

A dildo worn in a harness around the hips or thigh so the wearer can penetrate a partner. Anyone can wear one, it works for every gender pairing, and it is a fun way to swap roles or try something new.

Safety: Clean the dildo or change its condom before switching from anal to vaginal play or between partners.

First step: Get comfortable wearing the harness first, then start with a smaller dildo, lots of lube and slow, shallow thrusts.

Strap-ons & harnesses

Vibrator play with a partner

GentleTwo sides: Hold the vibe or Feel the vibeAlso called: vibrator, couples vibrator, vibrator during sex, wand vibrator

Bringing a vibrator into partnered sex: pressed on a clit, cock or perineum, used to tease, or handed to your partner to control. Plenty of people come more easily with one in the mix, so it's a common, simple upgrade.

In a national US survey, 50% of women and 33% of men had ever used a vibrator or dildo, alone or with a partner. Source: Herbenick et al., PLoS ONE, 2017; a national US sample of 2,021 adults.

First step: Hold a small vibrator against your partner during oral or penetration, and let them guide where it goes.

Couples sex toys

Boss and employee

GentleTwo sides: Be the boss or Be the employeeAlso called: boss employee, office role play, secretary role play, CEO fantasy

A workplace scene where one partner plays the boss and the other an employee or assistant. It taps into authority, office rules, and the rush of almost getting caught. A blazer, a desk, and a stern 'my office, now' go a long way.

First step: Summon them by text to 'a private meeting' tonight, then stay in character when they arrive.

Cheating fantasy

GentleAlso called: affair role play, secret lover role play, infidelity fantasy

Partners act out an affair with each other, sneaking around like secret lovers, or share a fantasy about one of them straying. The taboo and the spark of jealousy are the turn-on, and nobody is actually unfaithful.

Safety: Talk it through first if either of you has been cheated on, since this fantasy can stir up real hurt.

First step: Text each other like secret lovers all day, then 'sneak' off together somewhere private tonight.

Cosplay and costume play

GentleAlso called: cosplay, costume sex, superhero role play, character role play

Dressing up as a favorite character, superhero, or fantasy figure and staying in character for sex. The costume does a lot of the work, so it can feel less awkward than inventing a role from scratch. Planning the outfits is a big part of the fun.

First step: Choose a character each, keep the costumes simple, and give yourselves permission to laugh.

Furry and fursuit play

GentleAlso called: furry, yiff, fursuit, anthro

Sexy play rooted in the furry fandom, where adults create animal-inspired characters called fursonas, with ears, tails and a personality to match. Some wear full fursuits, others just ears and a tail. It is human role play in costume, never involving real animals.

Safety: Fursuits get hot fast, so keep water nearby and take breaks to cool down.

First step: Pick out a pair of soft ears and a clip-on tail, and let your character do the flirting.

Monster and fantasy creature play

GentleAlso called: monster kink, monster fucker, tentacles, alien

Fantasies about sex with mythical beings such as aliens, werewolves, vampires, dragons, or tentacled monsters. People explore them through stories, costumes, and fantasy-shaped toys, keeping the creature firmly imaginary. It's all about a lover who is wild, powerful, and gloriously unreal.

Safety: Fantasy toys often run large, so warm up, use plenty of lube, size up slowly, and pick a flared base for anal.

First step: Read a monster romance scene together, then pick which creature would win you over.

Fantasy dildos

Role play

GentleAlso called: roleplay, RP, sexy role play, fantasy role play

Acting out a scenario with characters, such as strangers at a hotel, a boss and assistant, or a celebrity and a fan. It lets you try on new personalities, situations, and power balances without leaving the bedroom. A little awkward laughter is part of it.

In a national US survey, 26% of men and 22% of women had tried role play with a partner. Source: Herbenick et al., PLoS ONE, 2017; a national US sample of 2,021 adults.

First step: Agree on two characters and one simple setup, then stay in role for just ten minutes.

Sex worker role play

GentleTwo sides: Be the client or Be the proAlso called: escort role play, stripper role play, massage parlor role play, call girl role play

One partner plays an escort, stripper, or masseuse and the other a client, with negotiating the 'services' as part of the game. It is pure pretend between partners, so no real money changes hands. Asking boldly for exactly what you want, in plain words, is the appeal.

First step: Write a playful 'menu' of services and prices, hand it over, and let them order.

Strangers role play

GentleAlso called: pick-up role play, meet at a bar, hotel bar role play, one night stand fantasy

Partners pretend to meet for the first time, often in a hotel lobby or cafe, and seduce each other as strangers. New names, a backstory, and a bold pickup line set the scene. It brings back first-date nerves and novelty in a long relationship.

First step: Arrive separately at a hotel lobby or cafe, use new names, and see who makes the first move.

Cockwarming

GentleTwo sides: Be the warmer or Get warmedAlso called: cock warming, warming

One partner keeps a cock or strap-on in their mouth, pussy, or ass without moving, sometimes for a long, lazy while. The other might read, watch TV, or simply enjoy the closeness. It is slow, intimate, and a little teasing, with a quiet flavor of service.

First step: Get comfy during a movie and see how long you can stay joined without moving.

Collaring and ownership

GentleTwo sides: Collar them or Wear the collarAlso called: collar, collared, day collar, collar and leash

A collar, chosen and fastened by a dominant partner, becomes a symbol of belonging within your dynamic. Some keep a leather collar for private play and a subtle necklace for daily wear. Words like 'you're mine' carry the same thrill: being claimed, and choosing it.

Safety: Keep two fingers of space under any collar, and never pull a leash hard against the throat.

First step: Buckle on a soft leather collar for one evening of play and notice how the mood shifts.

BDSM toys & bondage gear

Dominance and submission (D/s)

GentleTwo sides: Take charge or Hand it overAlso called: D/s, dom/sub, dom, sub

One partner takes charge and the other willingly hands over control, inside limits you both agreed on first. It can be as light as choosing positions in bed or as structured as a weekend of rules. It all runs on trust: power given freely, never taken.

In one study, 65% of women and 53% of men had fantasized about being dominated. Source: Joyal et al., Journal of Sexual Medicine, 2015; 1,516 adults in Quebec, Canada.

Safety: Agree on limits and a safeword before you start, and know that either of you can stop anything, any time.

First step: Let one partner run a single evening: what you wear, what you do, and when you're allowed to come.

BDSM toys & bondage gear

Maledom

GentleTwo sides: Be the dom or Follow his leadAlso called: male dom, dominant man, sir, male dominant

A man takes the dominant role, guiding the scene, giving orders, and setting the pace for a partner of any gender. Many couples use a title like Sir to mark when the dynamic is on. His steady confidence can feel protective, stern, or a bit of both.

First step: Try one evening where he gives every order and gets called Sir.

Orders and obedience

GentleTwo sides: Give orders or ObeyAlso called: commands, obey, obedience kink, following orders

The thrill of giving clear commands or following them exactly: undress slowly, kneel, stay still, look at me. Set positions, like kneeling at the foot of the bed, signal that play has started. It needs no gear, just a confident voice and a willing partner.

Safety: Use a cushion for kneeling, and change position before knees or hips start to ache.

First step: Give or follow three simple commands during foreplay, like strip, kneel, and don't move.

Rules, protocols and tasks

GentleTwo sides: Set the rules or Follow the rulesAlso called: protocol, rules, tasks, D/s rules

Agreed rules that give a dynamic its shape, like a good-morning text or a daily journal. Protocols are set rituals, like a special way of greeting each other. Following them, or slipping up and owning it, becomes part of the play and keeps you connected all day.

First step: Agree on one tiny daily task, like a goodnight text with a set phrase, and try it for a week.

Service submission

GentleTwo sides: Serve or Be servedAlso called: service sub, service kink, acts of service, domestic service

The submissive finds joy in serving the dominant, like giving massages, cooking dinner, cleaning in a cute uniform, or following detailed instructions. The pleasure comes from being useful and pleasing them, not from pain. Praise is often the sweetest reward.

First step: Offer one evening of service: run a bath, give a massage, and ask how they'd like it done.

Switching

GentleAlso called: switch, switchy, versatile, vers

A switch enjoys both the dominant and the submissive role, whether with different partners, on different days, or within one scene. Plenty of people lean one way but love trading places now and then. It keeps play fresh, and you never have to pick just one flavor.

First step: Pick something you both like, such as spanking or teasing, and swap roles halfway through.

Bed restraints

GentleTwo sides: Strap them down or Get strapped downAlso called: under-bed restraints, bed restraint system, bed straps, spread eagle

Straps run under the mattress with a cuff at each corner, holding one partner spread out while the other explores at their leisure. Being open and on display feels thrillingly exposed, and the straps tuck out of sight when you're done.

Safety: Check hands and feet for tingling or cold, release straight away at any numbness, and stay in the room the whole time.

First step: Start with only the wrists cuffed to the top corners, loosely, for ten minutes of slow teasing.

Bondage restraints

Handcuffs and cuffs

GentleTwo sides: Cuff them or Get cuffedAlso called: handcuffs, fuzzy handcuffs, leather cuffs, wrist cuffs

Cuffs for the wrists or ankles, from fuzzy novelty handcuffs to padded leather or soft fabric, clipped together or to the bed. They go on in seconds and come off quickly, so you get that held-down feeling with almost no setup.

Safety: Metal cuffs can ratchet tighter and pinch nerves, so prefer padded cuffs, keep the key handy, and never leave a cuffed partner alone.

First step: Put soft cuffs on the wrists, in front of the body, and take turns being the one who can't touch.

Sex handcuffs & cuffs

Light bondage

GentleTwo sides: Tie them up or Get tied upAlso called: soft bondage, bondage, silk ties, scarf bondage

Gentle restraint with scarves, ties, soft cuffs, or bondage tape, often just the wrists tied to the bed. It is a favorite first step into bondage: one partner gets to surrender, the other gets to take their time.

About 1 in 5 US adults have tied up a partner or been tied up. Source: Herbenick et al., PLoS ONE, 2017; a national US sample of 2,021 adults.

Safety: Silk can cinch tight, so keep safety scissors nearby, check hands for tingling or cold, and never leave a tied partner alone.

First step: Loop a soft scarf loosely around the wrists, no tight knots, and take turns being the one tied.

Bondage kits guide

Verbal bondage

GentleTwo sides: Give the order or Stay stillAlso called: don't move, stay still, command bondage, mental bondage

Holding a pose or staying still simply because you were told to, with no physical restraints at all. The challenge is pure self-control while your partner teases you, and one twitch might earn a playful correction. Your own willpower becomes the rope.

First step: Try a simple one: hands on the headboard, no moving, while the other teases for five minutes.

Spanking

GentleTwo sides: Spank or Get spankedAlso called: spank me, OTK, over the knee, erotic spanking

Striking the ass with an open hand, or a toy, for warmth, sensation, or a hint of playful discipline. It is one of the most widely tried kinks. It can be a cheeky tap during sex or a long session that leaves you glowing.

In a national US survey, 34% of women and 30% of men had spanked a partner or been spanked. Source: Herbenick et al., PLoS ONE, 2017; a national US sample of 2,021 adults.

Safety: Aim for the fleshy lower curve of the ass and upper thighs, and avoid the tailbone, spine, and kidneys.

First step: Add a few light swats during sex or foreplay, then ask if they want more or softer.

BDSM toys & bondage gear

Blindfolds

GentleTwo sides: Blindfold them or Wear the blindfoldAlso called: blindfold, blindfolded sex, blindfold play, sleep mask

Covering a partner's eyes with a blindfold, sleep mask or tie so they can't see what's coming. Without sight, every touch, sound and kiss feels sharper and more surprising. It's an easy, low-stakes kink to try, and a natural starting point.

First step: Put a sleep mask on your partner and kiss them somewhere new every few seconds.

Bondage kits & restraints

Food play

GentleTwo sides: Lick it off or Be the dessertAlso called: whipped cream, chocolate sauce, body sushi, nyotaimori

Bringing food into sex: licking chocolate or whipped cream off skin, feeding each other fruit, or using a body as a platter. It is playful, sensual and often a little silly, which makes it a fun icebreaker.

Safety: Check for food allergies first, and keep sugary foods outside the vagina, where they can trigger irritation or infection.

First step: Feed each other strawberries dipped in chocolate in bed, then see where the drips lead.

Temperature play

GentleTwo sides: Run hot and cold or Feel hot and coldAlso called: temp play, hot and cold, ice play, ice cubes

Contrasting hot and cold on the skin with ice cubes, chilled or warmed glass and metal toys, or warm breath. The sudden switch makes skin feel extra alive, and it's an easy, playful kink to try tonight.

Safety: Keep ice moving to avoid cold burns, and test anything warmed on your own wrist first.

First step: Trace an ice cube down your partner's spine, then follow the same path with your warm mouth.

Warming and tingling lubes

GentleTwo sides: Rub it on or Feel the tingleAlso called: tingle lube, warming lube, cooling lube, menthol

Warming, cooling or tingling lubes and gels that add a buzz of sensation to skin, nipples or genitals. They are an easy, low-commitment way to explore new sensations without any special gear, and fun to try together.

Safety: Patch-test on your inner arm first, since warming and menthol formulas can sting or irritate sensitive skin.

First step: Patch-test first, then dab a little on your partner's nipples and blow gently across them.

Lube

Edging

GentleTwo sides: Edge them or Get edgedAlso called: edge, stop-start, peaking, surfing

Bringing yourself or a partner close to orgasm, backing off, and repeating the cycle a few times or many. The long build often makes the final orgasm feel bigger, and it works solo, with a partner or with toys.

First step: Stop just short of coming next time you masturbate, breathe for thirty seconds, and repeat three times before finishing.

Wand vibrators

Mirror play

GentleAlso called: mirror sex, watching yourselves, sex in front of a mirror

Having sex in front of a mirror so you can watch yourselves. It is a simple, private way to be both the performer and the audience at once. Many people find new favorite angles, and catching your partner's eye in the reflection is hot.

First step: Lean a full-length mirror beside the bed and leave the lights on low.

Mutual masturbation

GentleAlso called: watching each other masturbate, masturbating together, masturbate for me

Partners masturbate side by side or face to face, watching each other. It shows your partner exactly how you like to be touched, no instructions needed, and it works in person or over video. Plenty of couples find it surprisingly intimate.

First step: Lie next to each other, each touch yourself, and keep your eyes on each other.

Mutual masturbation 101

Nude photos and boudoir

GentleTwo sides: Take the photos or Be the modelAlso called: nudes, boudoir, erotic photography, sexy selfies

Taking erotic photos of yourself or your partner, from tasteful boudoir shots to explicit nudes, or playing photographer and model. Posing, being directed, and having the camera's full attention are all part of the turn-on.

Safety: Leave out faces and tattoos for privacy, agree who keeps the files, and know sharing them without the model's yes can be a crime.

First step: Take turns playing photographer in soft light, and delete any shot either of you dislikes.

Sex in new places (private)

GentleAlso called: adventurous sex, sex in a car, hotel sex, new places

Having sex somewhere new but still private, like a hotel room, a rented cabin, the kitchen counter, or your car inside a closed garage. A change of scenery makes familiar sex feel fresh, without involving anyone else.

Safety: Keep it truly private, since sex anywhere the public might see can be charged as indecent exposure.

First step: Pick one room in your home you've never had sex in, and christen it tonight.

Striptease and lap dances

GentleTwo sides: Put on the show or Enjoy the showAlso called: striptease, strip tease, lap dance, private dance

One partner undresses slowly or dances for the other, building anticipation while the viewer usually is not allowed to touch. Performing lets you feel watched and wanted, and watching is sweet torture. No dance skills needed; confidence and eye contact do the work.

First step: Cue up one song, sit them in a chair, and undress slowly, eyes locked on theirs.

Watching porn together

GentleAlso called: porn with partner, erotic films, couples porn

Partners watch adult films together to get in the mood, borrow ideas, or start a conversation about what turns them on. It's a gentle way to bring new fantasies into a relationship, and choosing what to watch is revealing in itself.

First step: Take turns choosing a short, ethically made clip, then talk about what caught your eye.

Anal beads

GentleTwo sides: Use beads on them or Take the beadsAlso called: beads, anal bead pull

A string or wand of beads, often growing in size, that's eased in one by one and drawn out slowly. Many people time the pull for the moment of orgasm, when each bead adds an extra pop of sensation.

Safety: Choose one-piece silicone beads with a sturdy ring or handle, not beads threaded on cord, and use plenty of lube.

First step: Start with small beads during solo play, pulling them out slowly as you get close.

Anal beads guide

Butt plugs and anal toys

GentleTwo sides: Plug them or Wear a plugAlso called: butt plug, anal plug, plug play, wearing a plug

Wearing a butt plug or using anal toys, solo or during sex, for a warm sense of fullness and extra sensation. Plugs can stay in while you do other things, and some couples make wearing one a playful power-play task.

In a national US survey, 18% of men and 16% of women had used anal sex toys. Source: Herbenick et al., PLoS ONE, 2017; a national US sample of 2,021 adults.

Safety: Anything that goes in the ass needs a flared base so it can't slip inside, plus plenty of lube.

First step: Try a small, flared-base plug with lots of lube while you touch yourself or receive oral.

Butt plugs guide

Oral sex

GentleTwo sides: Give or ReceiveAlso called: blowjob, cunnilingus, going down, eating out

Using your mouth, lips and tongue on a partner's cock, pussy, or whatever they've got. It can be slow and teasing or eager and messy. People often feel differently about giving and receiving, so it's worth a chat.

Safety: Oral sex can pass STIs, and condoms or dental dams lower the risk.

First step: Go down on your partner with no goal of orgasm, just slowly learning what makes them sigh.

How to eat pussy

Sixty-nine (69)

GentleAlso called: 69, sixty nine, mutual oral, 69 position

Two partners giving each other oral sex at the same time, lying head to toe, side by side, or one on top. Some love the shared, feedback-loop intensity; others find it hard to focus on giving while receiving, and that's fine too.

Safety: It carries the same STI risk as any oral sex, so get tested together or use condoms and dental dams.

First step: Try it lying on your sides, so nobody's neck gets tired and you can both relax.

Bi-curious exploration

GentleAlso called: bi-curious, same-sex experimentation, bisexual exploration, heteroflexible

Exploring attraction to, or sex with, a gender you don't usually partner with, through fantasy, talk, porn or real experiences. It's very common, it doesn't require choosing a label, and your curiosity is yours to explore at your own pace.

First step: Let yourself enjoy a fantasy about someone of a gender you don't usually go for, without deciding what it means.

Cross-dressing

GentleAlso called: cross dressing, crossdressing, CD, crossdresser

Wearing clothes usually associated with another gender, for comfort, self-expression, fun or arousal, alone or with a partner. For some it's a private pleasure, for others part of sex, and it only means what you want it to.

First step: Try on one piece usually worn by another gender, alone at home, and notice how it feels.

Gender role reversal

GentleAlso called: role reversal, gender swap, switching roles, reverse roles

Partners of any gender deliberately flip the roles they usually play in bed, like who leads, who penetrates, who pursues or who gets pursued. Stepping out of the usual script can feel freeing and a little thrilling, and it often opens up a whole new dynamic.

First step: Pick one thing your partner usually does, like initiating or being on top, and swap it for a night.

Masculinization and boi play

GentleAlso called: masculinization, boi play, butch play, packing

Trying on masculine presentation during play, like packing (wearing a soft bulge in your underwear) or a confident, swaggering persona. Being called handsome, sir or boi, a queer term often used for a cheeky masculine role, is part of the fun. It can feel affirming, playful or powerful.

First step: Try wearing boxer briefs and a button-down to bed, and have your partner call you handsome.

Squirting

GentleTwo sides: Help them squirt or SquirtAlso called: female ejaculation, gushing, squirt

Some people with a vulva release fluid from the urethra during arousal or orgasm, often with G-spot stimulation. Some love making it happen, others love the mess, and squirting or not is completely normal.

First step: Lay down a towel, try slow G-spot strokes, and don't hold back when it feels like you need to pee.

How to squirt

Wet and messy (WAM)

GentleAlso called: WAM, wet and messy, sploshing, slime

Getting covered in messy stuff like slime, mud, custard, whipped cream or water, clothed or naked. The appeal is the texture, the joy of losing all neatness, and often the sheer silliness. When food is involved, it's also called sploshing.

Safety: Use skin-safe substances, keep them away from eyes and genitals, and protect floors so nobody slips.

First step: Lay down a tarp or step into the tub, then smear each other with whipped cream and laugh.