Female Masturbation: How to Masturbate as a Woman, 15 Techniques, Positions & the Best Toys

Quick answer: Female masturbation is touching your own vulva, clit and vagina (and anywhere else that feels good) for pleasure, with your fingers, a toy, lukewarm water or a pillow. Here's how to get there: slick your fingers with lube, start slow around your clit, find the rhythm that makes your hips start moving on their own, then hold that exact rhythm as you get close and let it carry you over.

That's the whole secret, and it's also only the beginning. Your clit is the star of this show. In a national survey of 1,055 US women published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy (2018), only 18.4% said intercourse alone was enough to make them come, while 36.6% said they needed clitoral stimulation to orgasm during intercourse. Solo sex is where you learn exactly what that stimulation looks like for you.

This guide is for anyone with a vulva and a clit, whatever your gender, first time or thousandth. You'll get your pleasure map, 15 techniques with names, how to finger yourself, how to get off with no toys at all, the best positions, what to do when you just can't come, and the ten toys we'd hand you first. Lock the door, dim the lights and get comfortable.

What’s in this guide

• How to masturbate as a woman: the quick version
• Your pleasure map: vulva, clit and G-spot
• Set the scene: solo foreplay
• 15 female masturbation techniques
• How to finger yourself, step by step
• How to masturbate without toys
• The best masturbation positions for women
• How to use a vibrator on yourself
• The 10 best toys for female masturbation
• Which toy for which technique
• Can't come? 12 fixes
• What's normal: how often, and the myths
• Hygiene, lube and toy care
• Female masturbation FAQ
• The bottom line

How to masturbate as a woman: the quick version

Short on time, or doing this for the very first time? Here's the whole thing in eight steps.

1. Give yourself time and privacy. Twenty unhurried minutes, door locked, phone face down. Rushing is the fastest way to not come.
2. Get comfortable and get wet. Lie back on a towel with a pillow under your head. Put a coin-sized drop of water-based lube on your fingertips.
3. Start everywhere except your clit. Stroke your neck, nipples, belly and inner thighs. Let your body figure out where this is going.
4. Find your clit. It's at the top of your vulva, where your inner lips meet, under a little hood of skin. Rest two fingers on top of the hood.
5. Pick a motion. Small circles or slow up-and-down strokes over the hood are the classic opener. Light pressure first.
6. Build slowly. As you get wet and swollen, press a little firmer or move a little faster, one change at a time.
7. Hold steady near the peak. When it starts to feel inevitable, don't switch anything. Same spot, same speed, same pressure.
8. Ride it out. Keep going gently through the orgasm, or stop the moment you're too sensitive. Both are right.

Didn't come? That's normal too, and it isn't a fail. Skip to can't come? 12 fixes.

Your pleasure map: vulva, clit and G-spot

You can't touch what you can't find. Grab a hand mirror (seriously, it's hot, and it's useful) and take a look.

The vulva is everything on the outside: the outer lips, the inner lips, the clit, the opening of your urethra and the opening of your vagina. The vagina is the canal inside. The clitoris is much bigger than the little bead you can see. The visible tip, the glans, sits under the hood; behind it, a shaft runs up under the skin toward your pubic bone, two legs run back along your pubic bones, and two bulbs lie along both sides of your vaginal opening, under your lips. That's why touch almost anywhere around your vulva can feel connected to your clit.

Spot	Where it is	How it tends to like it
Clit glans	The tip, under the hood where the inner lips meet	Indirect at first: through the hood, beside it, never dry
Clit hood	The fold of skin over the glans	Rubbing, rolling, light pinching
Clit shaft	Under the skin above the glans, toward the pubic bone	Up-and-down strokes, a two-finger V
Inner and outer lips	Either side of the opening	Stroking, tugging gently, tracing
Vaginal entrance	The first inch or so inside	Shallow circles and teasing with a fingertip or toy
G-spot area	The front wall, a couple of inches in, toward your belly	Firm pressure and a beckoning "come here" motion
Perineum	Between the vaginal opening and the anus	Pressing, massaging
Nipples and breasts	Up top	Pinching, rolling, sucking toys while your other hand works
Inner thighs, neck, belly	Everywhere else	Slow stroking to build anticipation

Pressure: start lighter than you think. In that same survey (Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 2018), most women preferred light or medium pressure on the vulva; only 10.7% preferred firm pressure, and 15.9% said all pressures felt good.

Shape: in the same survey, the two styles of touch more than half of women preferred were up and down (63.7%) and circular (51.6%). Those two are where the techniques below start.

Set the scene: solo foreplay

Give yourself the same build-up you'd want from a great lover: nobody should go straight for your clit with dry fingers, including you.

• Time. Block out a window where nobody's knocking. Arousal builds faster when you're not listening for footsteps.
• Warmth. A warm room, a warm shower first, warm hands. Cold makes everything tense.
• Lube. Even if you're already wet, lube makes every stroke glide. Water-based is safe with every toy. Shop lube.
• Breath. Slow, deep breaths into your belly. When you're close, let your breathing get loud. Some people come by tensing up, some by letting go; try both.
• Your whole body. Spend five minutes on everything else: run your nails over your thighs, roll your nipples, squeeze your ass. Your clit gets more sensitive when the rest of you is already turned on.
• Your head. A fantasy, a filthy memory, erotica, audio porn, a video. Whatever gets you there is allowed. Not sure what you're into? The free Kink Test gives you a starting list.
• A mirror. Watching yourself is a turn-on for plenty of people, and it shows you exactly where everything is. More ideas in our guide to mirror play.

15 female masturbation techniques

These are the moves. Try one per session, or stack them into a routine. For each, start slow and light, then adjust one thing at a time: speed, pressure or spot. You'll probably find a favorite or two and spend years happily fine-tuning them.

1. The tease

Before you touch your clit, circle it. Trace your inner thighs, run a fingertip up and down your outer lips, then your inner lips, then around the hood without touching it. Keep it slow until your hips start lifting toward your hand. By the time you finally touch it, you'll be aching for it.

2. Slow circles

The classic. Two fingertips on the hood, small circles, light pressure. Try clockwise, then counterclockwise; you may find you have a favorite direction. As the hood gets slick and swollen under your fingers, make the circles smaller and a touch faster, and keep them right where they feel best.

3. Up and down

Two fingers stroke up and down over the hood and the shaft above it, like a tiny version of stroking a cock. Short strokes for focus, longer ones that reach down between your lips to gather wetness. If circles do nothing for you, this is the one to try.

4. Side to side

Rest a finger on the hood and flick or rub side to side, like a windshield wiper on its slowest setting. It can feel more intense than circles, so save it for when you're already warmed up.

5. Through the hood

Lay a fingertip on the hood and slide the hood itself up and down over the glans, so the skin does the rubbing for you. The hood is built-in padding. It lets you go faster and longer without that too-much, too-direct zing.

6. Tapping

Light, rhythmic taps right on the hood with one or two fingertips, like tapping a drum. Speed up as you get close. Tapping pairs beautifully with a pinpoint toy: hold a bullet where you'd tap and let it buzz.

7. The V

Make a peace sign and lay it over your vulva so your two fingers straddle the clit, one on each side of the hood. Slide them up and down. Your clit gets squeezed and stroked from both sides without ever being touched directly. Press the V inward to make it more intense.

8. Pinch and roll

Gently gather the hood between your thumb and finger and roll it, as if you're rolling a small bead. Small movements, soft pressure. It's an indirect, rhythmic squeeze, and a great one to save for right before you come.

9. Palm press

Cup your whole vulva with your palm, heel of the hand over your clit, fingers lying along your lips. Now press and rock. It's broad, full, pulsing pressure, which is perfect if pinpoint touch feels like too much. Try it face down with your hand trapped under you.

10. Hump your hand

Keep your hand still and move your hips instead. Grind up into your fingers or palm, tilt your pelvis, roll it, rock it. Changing the angle of your hips changes exactly where the pressure lands, and you may find spots your hand never would.

11. Shallowing

Slide a lubed fingertip (or the tip of a toy) just inside your vaginal entrance and play there: small circles, tiny in-and-out strokes, a gentle stretch to each side. The entrance is packed with feeling, and you don't need depth. In a US national survey of 3,017 women published in PLOS ONE (2021), about 84% said they use this kind of shallow touch, called Shallowing, to make penetration feel better.

12. Rocking

With a toy in as deep as feels good and its base or handle outside against your clit, stop thrusting. Instead, rock: grind the base against your clit in small movements while the toy stays in. Clit and inside get worked at once, nonstop. (Fingers work too: keep them deep and grind the heel of your hand into your clit.) In the same PLOS ONE study, about 76% of women said Rocking, the base of a toy or penis rubbing the clit while it stays all the way inside, makes penetration feel better.

13. The come-hither

Slide one or two lubed fingers inside, palm facing your belly, and curl them toward you like you're beckoning someone over. You're feeling for a spongy, ridged area on the front wall: that's the G-spot zone. Press firmly and keep curling in a steady rhythm. It can make you feel like you need to pee at first; that's normal, and it can turn into something much better if you relax into it. Squirting can happen here, too: our squirting guide has the details.

14. Pairing

Work two spots at once: fingers or a toy inside, your other hand on your clit. The PLOS ONE study called clit touch during penetration Pairing (your hand or a partner's), and 69.7% of women said it makes them orgasm more often or enjoy penetration more. Out of hands? A nipple toy keeps a third spot busy. Clit plus G-spot is the famous combination, and our guide to blended orgasms goes deep on it.

15. Edging

Bring yourself almost to the point of coming, then stop or slow down until the urge fades a little. Breathe. Do it again, two or three times, before you finally let yourself go over. Each climb gets hotter, and the orgasm at the end can feel a lot bigger. A bonus move: as you get close, squeeze the muscles you'd use to stop peeing, hold for a few seconds, then release. Our full edging guide has more ways to play.

How to finger yourself, step by step

Fingering yourself means sliding one or more fingers inside your vagina. Try it with clit play at the same time; think of this as half of a two-handed job.

1. Trim and file your nails. Short and smooth, no sharp edges. Wash your hands.
2. Warm up first. Use a few of the clit techniques above until you're wet and swollen. Arousal makes penetration feel better, so don't skip this.
3. Lube your fingers. Even if you're wet. Lube makes the difference between nice and great.
4. Start with one finger. Rest it at your entrance, circle, then slide in slowly to the first knuckle. Breathe out as you go in.
5. Explore. Press gently on each wall in turn. Notice where it feels good and where it doesn't feel like much.
6. Find the front wall. Palm up toward your belly, use the come-hither from technique 13 and press firmly on that spongy patch.
7. Add a second finger when one feels easy. Two fingers give you more fullness and more pressure on that front wall.
8. Use your thumb. With fingers inside, your thumb lands right on your clit. Rub, circle or press it as your fingers curl.
9. Move your hips. Tilt and roll your pelvis so your fingers land at new angles. The PLOS ONE study called this Angling (rotating, raising or lowering the hips during penetration), and 87.5% of women said they use it to make penetration feel better.

If your wrist gets tired, switch positions (on your knees and face down gives fingers a different angle). Want more from your fingers? The Finger-Pulse slips over one or two fingers, puts a textured pad on your clit and adds pulsing vibration while your fingers work inside.

How to masturbate without toys

No toy? No problem. People have been getting off with pillows and bathtubs for as long as there have been pillows and bathtubs.

Pillow humping

1. Fold a firm pillow in half inside a clean pillowcase (or roll up a fresh towel) and put it on the bed.
2. Straddle it, on your knees or lying face down on top of it.
3. Lower yourself until your vulva presses into it. Keep your underwear on for the first round; the fabric adds friction.
4. Grind. Rock your hips forward and back, or in small circles, and find the angle where your clit takes the pressure.
5. Speed up as you build, then keep that rhythm steady through the orgasm.

Want it to buzz? That's exactly what a grinding toy is for. See the VibePad 2 in the picks below.

The shower head or bath tap

Lie back in the tub and scoot your hips under the running tap, or take a detachable shower head and aim it at your clit. Keep the water lukewarm, start on a soft spray and a little distance, and move closer as you like it. Water goes on the outside only: never aim a jet inside your vagina. Rinse well afterward.

Squeeze your thighs

Cross your legs tightly, or lie face down with your thighs pressed together, and rhythmically squeeze and release. The pressure works your clit and your inner lips without your hands ever moving. It's quiet, too, which is handy when there's a roommate next door.

What not to use

Vegetables, hairbrush handles and anything else from around the house don't go inside you. Anything that goes inside should be a toy made to go inside, with a smooth surface you can wash. For your ass, it also needs a flared base. Ready for a toy? Our beginner sex toys are a good start.

The best masturbation positions for women

The same move feels different in a different position, because your angle and how much you can tense up both change. Switch it up when you hit a plateau.

Position	Best for	Toy that fits
On your back, legs open	Learning, fingering, two-handed play	Any wand or bullet
On your back, knees up, feet flat	Arching, G-spot, the come-hither	A curved G-spot toy
Face down	Pressure, palm press, humping your hand	A small bullet under you
Riding	Grinding with full body weight	A grinding pad
Sitting up against pillows	Watching in a mirror	A rose or air-pulse toy
On your side	Long, slow sessions	A hands-free wearable
Standing in the shower	Water play	A waterproof bullet

On your back, legs open

The starter. Pillow under your head, knees falling apart, one hand free for nipples. It gives you the clearest view and easiest reach.

Knees up, feet flat

Plant your feet and you can lift and tilt your hips into your hand. This is the best setup for G-spot play and for tensing your whole body as you get close.

Face down

Lie on your stomach with your hand or a small toy trapped under your clit, then grind down into it. The full-body pressure is hard to beat.

Riding

Kneel and straddle a pillow, a folded towel or a grinding toy. You control everything with your hips, and gravity adds pressure for free.

Sitting up

Prop yourself against pillows or the headboard, knees open, a mirror at the end of the bed. Great for watching yourself and for toys you hold.

On your side

Curl up on your side with your top knee pulled up. It's relaxed and cozy, perfect for slow edging or for a hands-free toy.

Standing in the shower

Both feet on a non-slip mat, or sit on the side of the tub, water running, a waterproof toy in hand. Legs get shaky, so keep a hand on the wall.

How to use a vibrator on yourself

A vibrator does one thing your hands can't: fast, steady vibration your wrist could never keep up. In a US national survey of women 18 to 60 published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine (2009), 52.5% had used a vibrator, and 46.3% had used one while masturbating alone.

1. Charge it and read the button guide before you're naked.
2. Start over your underwear. The fabric softens the buzz while you learn what you like.
3. Lowest setting first. You can always go up. Starting high is the fastest way to "too much".
4. Don't park it on the glans. Rest it on the hood, beside your clit, on your lips or your perineum. Move it around and notice where it's best.
5. Use your hands, too. Spread your lips with one hand for more direct contact, or press the toy harder for deeper rumble.
6. Add penetration if you like it: a fingertip at the entrance, or a toy with an inside arm for the G-spot.
7. Edge with it. Pull it away when you're close, wait, bring it back. Changing settings makes edging easy.
8. Wash it after, following its care instructions, and let it dry.

Feeling a bit numb after a long session on high? Take a break and drop to a lower setting. If numbness doesn't fade, talk to your doctor.

New to toys? Our best vibrators for beginners guide walks you through choosing a first one.

The 10 best toys for female masturbation

Every pick does one job beautifully. Prices, features and water ratings come straight from each product page.

Pick	Best for	Price
Womanizer Premium 2	Clit lovers: touchless air-pulse orgasms	$148.95
We-Vibe Tango X	Your first vibrator	$67.95
Magic Wand Rechargeable	Big, deep, rumbly power	$118.95
Bloomgasm Enchanted Rose	A classic suction rose	$77.95
VibePad 2	Hands-free grinding	$139.95
Finger-Pulse	Fingering fans	$76.95
12x Come-Hither Rocker	G-spot play	$89.95
We-Vibe Nova 2	Clit and G-spot at once	$127.95
LELO Ora 3	Oral-style swirling	$150.95
Njoy Pure Wand	Firm G-spot pressure, no buzz	$119.95

1. Best for clit lovers: Womanizer Premium 2

$148.95 · air-pulse clit stimulator · 14 intensity levels plus Autopilot · two head sizes · IPX7 waterproof

If your orgasms are mostly about your clit, this is the one. The Premium 2 settles over your clit and uses pulses of air to suck and massage it, with nothing touching the glans at all. That touchless pull is intense in a way fingers can't copy.

Fourteen intensity levels take you from a soft flutter to a deep draw, and two head sizes come in the box so the fit is snug. Switch on Autopilot and it changes the intensity on its own, so you can't brace for what's next. It only runs when it touches skin and goes to standby when you lift it away, and it gives up to 240 minutes of play from a 120-minute charge. IPX7, so take it into the bath.

Get the Womanizer Premium 2 here.

2. Best first vibrator: We-Vibe Tango X

$67.95 · pinpoint bullet vibrator · 7 vibration modes · 120 minutes per charge · IPX7 waterproof

A bullet is an easy vibrator to learn on, and the Tango X is a very good one. It's about 3.9 inches long and sits right in your palm, and its vibration is deep and rumbly rather than thin and buzzy. Its petite, precise shape lets you aim it exactly: on the hood, beside your clit, along your lips.

It's small enough to bring into partnered sex later, too. Seven modes, a travel lock so it doesn't wake up in your bag, about 120 minutes of play per USB charge, and IPX7 so it's shower-friendly.

Get the We-Vibe Tango X here.

3. Best wand: Magic Wand Rechargeable

$118.95 · full-size wand massager, cordless · 4 intensity levels and 4 patterns · about 13 inches long

The wand is the big, broad, rumbly option. Its head is over 2 inches across, so instead of one pinpoint spot it spreads deep vibration across your clit and lips, which is perfect if bullets feel too sharp or if your clit likes a lot of power. Press it in for more, ease off or keep a towel or your underwear between you for less.

This is the cordless, full-size Magic Wand, with four intensities and four patterns, a silicone head and an ABS body. At about 13 inches long, it's easy to reach with while you lie back. It works as a full-body massager too, which is a great cover story. Shop all wand vibrators.

Get the Magic Wand Rechargeable here.

4. Best rose toy: Bloomgasm Enchanted Rose

$77.95 · suction rose clit stimulator · 3 suction levels and 7 patterns · charging case included

This rose runs on suction and keeps it simple. The Enchanted Rose is a silky silicone bloom with a small mouth, half an inch wide, that closes over your clit and pulses right there. Three suction levels cycle through seven patterns, from a lazy sip to a hard pull.

Use it like this: a fingertip of water-based lube on your clit, part your lips with your other hand, then settle the mouth flat over your clit and let it take hold. It lives in a charging case that tops it up between sessions. Keep it out of the bath, and wash it with soap and warm water after. More roses, licking ones too, in our best rose toys guide.

Get the Enchanted Rose here.

5. Best for hands-free grinding: VibePad 2

$139.95 · grinding pad with heat and a licking tongue · 7 modes per wave plus 7 licking modes · remote · waterproof

If pillow humping is already your thing, this is the upgrade. Put the VibePad 2 on a chair or another flat surface, straddle it and grind. Your hands are completely free for your nipples, your hair, your phone, whatever.

It has two raised waves. The large one vibrates in 7 modes and has a built-in tongue with 7 licking modes; the smaller one vibrates and heats to as much as 131°F (55°C), which is hot. Every function runs separately, on the pad itself or from the included remote (up to about 32.8 feet), so start with the heat off, test it on your inner thigh, and switch it off the moment it feels hot instead of warm. It's waterproof, recharges by USB and switches itself off after 30 minutes without use. Browse more grinding sex toys.

Get the VibePad 2 here.

6. Best for fingering fans: Finger-Pulse

$76.95 · finger vibrator for 1 or 2 fingers · 10 pulsing modes plus 3 speeds and 7 patterns · IPX6 for the shower

Love your own hands? Keep them, and upgrade them. The Finger-Pulse slips over one or two fingers. A textured pad sits on your clit while the tip reaches just inside, so when you curl your fingers in a come-hither, it adds a deep pulse exactly where you're already touching.

It's 5.3 inches overall with 3.75 inches that can go inside, plus three rings that add a little extra with every movement. It's rated IPX6, so it's fine in the shower but not for soaking, and it recharges in about an hour on a magnetic cable. Use water-based lube.

Get the Finger-Pulse here.

7. Best for G-spot play: 12x Come-Hither Rocker

$89.95 · rabbit with a come-hither G-spot motion · ears: 3 speeds and 6 patterns; shaft: 3 come-hither speeds · IPX5 splash-proof

Your fingers get tired; this doesn't. The curved shaft makes a beckoning come-hither movement against your G-spot instead of just buzzing, while the rabbit ears straddle both sides of your clit hood (it's the V technique, motorized).

Four inches go inside, 1.4 inches at the widest, so it's substantial without being scary. The ears and the shaft have their own settings, so you can keep the outside gentle while the inside works harder. The handle is easy to hold at the right angle. It's IPX5, so rinse it, don't submerge it, and keep to water-based lube. More picks in our G-spot vibrator guide.

Get the Come-Hither Rocker here.

8. Best for clit and G-spot at once: We-Vibe Nova 2

$127.95 · flexible rabbit vibrator · app-enabled with custom patterns · up to 120 minutes · 100% waterproof

Pairing, in one toy. The Nova 2's outer arm flexes with you, so it stays pressed on your clit while the shaft works your G-spot, even when you shift, arch or roll your hips. The inner part adjusts to fit your body.

The We-Connect app lets you build your own vibration patterns, and a travel lock keeps it from switching on in your bag. Soft-touch silicone, rechargeable for up to 120 minutes. Want to compare rabbits? Our best rabbit vibrators guide has eight.

Get the We-Vibe Nova 2 here.

9. Best oral-style toy: LELO Ora 3

$150.95 · rotating and vibrating clit massager · 12 pleasure settings

Some nights you want circles that never slow down. The Ora 3 is designed with oral sex in mind: its nub rotates and vibrates together, swirling over your clit in firm, steady circles that your fingers would give up on after a few minutes.

It has 12 pleasure settings and pairs the swirl with vibration patterns, so you can hunt for the one that undoes you. It's made of silicone, polycarbonate and ABS plastic. Dab water-based lube over your clit, hold the nub over your hood, and let it do the circling for you.

Get the LELO Ora 3 here.

10. Best for firm G-spot pressure: Njoy Pure Wand

$119.95 · curved 316-grade stainless steel wand · 1.5 inches in diameter · waterproof

Not everything has to buzz. The Pure Wand is a curved wand of 316-grade stainless steel. Its curve does the angling for you: lie back, slide it in with lube, and rock it slowly against your G-spot. Steel is firm and smooth, so you get steady, solid pressure exactly where the curve lands.

It feels cool at first, then warms to your body as you play. It's 1.5 inches in diameter and waterproof, so cleanup is easy. The product page notes the steel may contain some nickel, so skip it if nickel bothers your skin. Want more toys to slide inside? See our best dildos.

Get the Njoy Pure Wand here.

Also worth a look

• Smaller air pulse: the Womanizer Starlet 3 ($67.95) has the same touchless air pulse in a palm-sized body, with 6 intensity levels and IPX7. Expect about 30 minutes of play per charge.
• A licking rose: the Rose Kisser ($53.95) swirls a soft 1-inch silicone tongue over your clit, with separate licking and vibration settings. IPX7.
• A grinder with a remote: the Ride N' Grind ($58.95) is a textured silicone pad you straddle, with two motors, a wireless remote, 3 speeds and 7 patterns.
• A wand that travels: the Magic Wand Mini ($89.95) has a soft silicone head on a flexible neck and three intensity levels.
• Hands-free and wearable: the Lovense Lush 4 ($128.95) is a G-spot egg you wear inside and run from an app, including vibration that follows your music.

Which toy for which technique

Already know what your hands love? Here's the toy that does the same thing for longer.

If you love...	Try...	Why
Slow circles	LELO Ora 3	Its nub swirls steady circles over your clit
Touch through the hood	Womanizer Premium 2	Air pulse works the clit without touching the glans
Tapping	We-Vibe Tango X	A pinpoint tip you aim exactly where you'd tap
The palm press	Magic Wand Rechargeable	A broad head that spreads vibration across your vulva
Humping your hand or a pillow	VibePad 2	You grind; it vibrates, licks and warms
The V	12x Come-Hither Rocker	Its ears straddle both sides of the hood
Fingering yourself	Finger-Pulse	Vibration on your fingers, a pad on your clit
The come-hither	12x Come-Hither Rocker	The shaft does the beckoning for you
Pairing	We-Vibe Nova 2	Clit arm and G-spot shaft, together
Firm G-spot pressure	Njoy Pure Wand	Curved steel you rock, not thrust

Can't come? 12 fixes

Some sessions just won't tip over the edge. Here's what to try, roughly in order.

1. Stop grading yourself. Wondering "is it working yet?" pulls you out of your body. Put your attention back on the sensation, or on your fantasy.
2. Drop the goal. Tell yourself tonight is just for feeling good. Sometimes that's exactly when it happens.
3. Give it more time. It's easy to rush. Spend longer on the warm-up before you touch your clit at all.
4. Lighter, not harder. When it plateaus, the instinct is to press harder. Try lighter and slower instead. In the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy survey, most women preferred light or medium pressure.
5. Don't change anything near the peak. If you're close, keep the exact same spot, speed and pressure. Switching right then can reset the climb.
6. Try the opposite. If you're holding your breath and clenching, breathe deep, let go and let it get loud. If you're totally relaxed, try tensing your thighs and belly.
7. Change position. Face down, knees up, on your side. A new angle can be the whole answer.
8. Add a second spot. A nipple, a finger at your entrance, the perineum. Two spots at once can tip you over.
9. Add lube. Dry friction can start to sting before you notice it.
10. Bring in a toy. Steady vibration or air pulse does what tired fingers can't. Start low and slow.
11. Swap the fantasy. Same story every time? Try a new scene, a new voice, a new video.
12. Try another time of day. If you always try at bedtime when you're exhausted, give a lazy morning a shot.

Never had an orgasm, have pain, or noticed orgasms got harder around when you started a new medication? Talk to your doctor. You won't be the first person to ask.

What's normal: how often, and the myths

Short version: if you enjoy it and it isn't crowding out the rest of your life, your normal is normal. Here's what the big US surveys found.

• Plenty have, plenty haven't. In a 2015 national survey (PLOS ONE, 2017), 40.8% of women had masturbated in the last month, and 21.8% said they never had.
• About a third in the past month; weekly, fewer. A 2021 national survey (Archives of Sexual Behavior, 2023) found 36.5% of women had masturbated in the prior month, 8.8% at least once a week in the prior year, and about one in four had never masturbated alone.
• The top reason is simple. In that same 2021 survey, women asked why they masturbated in the past year most often said "I find it pleasurable" (63.6%), followed by "if I'm feeling horny" (49.0%).
• By age group. In a 2009 national survey (Journal of Sexual Medicine, 2010), 84.6% of women ages 25 to 29 had masturbated alone at some point.

Myths, debunked

• "Masturbating too much is bad for you." There's no magic number. If it's making you late or sore, or you're skipping things you care about, ease off; otherwise, enjoy.
• "Once you use a vibrator, nothing else will do." You can love both, and switching between toy nights and hands-only nights keeps things fresh. A vibrator can also join partnered sex. See our couples toys guide.
• "Only single women do it." Being in a relationship doesn't switch off your own sex life. Solo sex isn't a replacement for partnered sex; it's its own thing.
• "If you masturbate, something's missing in your relationship." Wanting time with your own body says nothing bad about your partner. It's just more sex in your life.
• "If you can't come from intercourse alone, something's wrong." In the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy survey (2018), only 18.4% of women said intercourse alone was enough for orgasm. Needing your clit in the mix is completely normal.

Hygiene, lube and toy care

• Clean hands, short nails. Wash before, and keep nails short and filed for anything going inside.
• Water-based lube with everything. It's safe with every toy material and with condoms. Silicone lube stays slippery longer, but it can damage silicone toys, so patch-test or stick to water-based with them. Oil breaks down latex condoms and soft toy materials.
• Respect the water rating. IPX7 means submersible. IPX5 and IPX6 mean a rinse or a shower, not a soak. If a page just says waterproof, it can get wet; check that page before a long soak. If a page says nothing about water, keep it out of the bath and shower.
• Wash toys every time, before and after: warm water plus a gentle soap or a toy cleaner, then air-dry them completely, unless the toy's own page or box says to clean it another way.
• Anal, if you're curious. Go slow, use lots of lube, never force anything and stop at any sharp pain. Anything that goes in your ass needs a flared base or a handle that stays outside. Anything that's been in your ass gets washed (or gets a fresh condom) before it goes near your vagina or mouth. Our anal orgasm guide is the place to start.
• Sharing a toy? Toys can pass infections from one body to another, so put a condom on it and change it between bodies. Here's how to put a condom on a sex toy.
• Store toys clean and dry, in a pouch or drawer, away from each other if they're soft.

Female masturbation FAQ

How do women masturbate?

By rubbing, stroking or circling the clit, directly or through its hood, with fingers or a toy (lube helps), and sometimes with fingers or a toy inside the vagina too. Some grind against a pillow, use a shower head or squeeze their thighs together. In a US national survey (Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 2018), up-and-down strokes and circles were the two styles more than half of women preferred.

How do I masturbate for the first time?

Give yourself twenty private minutes, lie back on a towel and put a little lube on your fingers. Touch the rest of your body first, then rest two fingers on your clit hood and try slow circles or up-and-down strokes with light pressure. Build slowly. If you don't come the first time, that's completely normal.

How often do women masturbate?

It varies a lot. In a 2021 US national survey published in Archives of Sexual Behavior (2023), 36.5% of women had masturbated in the prior month and 8.8% said they masturbated at least once a week in the prior year. There's no right number; what feels good to you is the right amount.

Do most women masturbate?

Most have at some point: in a 2015 national survey (PLOS ONE, 2017), only 21.8% of women said they had never masturbated, and 40.8% had in the last month. Whichever group you're in, it's normal.

How long does it take to orgasm when you masturbate?

There's no set time. Some sessions take a few minutes and others take much longer, and that changes with your mood, your energy and how turned on you are when you start. A longer warm-up can make the last stretch easier.

Why can't I orgasm when I masturbate?

It can come down to rushing, pressing too hard, changing what you're doing right as you get close, or worrying about whether it's working. Try lighter pressure, a longer warm-up, a steady rhythm near the peak and a toy. If you've never had an orgasm or it suddenly got harder, talk to your doctor.

Can a vibrator desensitize you?

A long session on a high setting can leave you feeling a little numb for a while afterward. Switch settings, take breaks and mix in hands-only sessions if you like variety. If numbness doesn't go away, talk to your doctor.

Is it bad to masturbate every day?

Not if you enjoy it and it isn't hurting you or crowding out the rest of your life. If you're sore, use more lube and take a break, and if soreness doesn't go away, talk to your doctor. The same goes if you feel you can't stop even when you want to.

Can you masturbate on your period?

Yes. Put a dark towel down, or play in the shower, and use a waterproof toy that's easy to wash. With a tampon, cup or disc in, stick to clit play and take it out before anything goes inside. Afterward, wash any toy you used, following its own care instructions.

How do you masturbate without toys?

Use your fingers on your clit, grind against a folded pillow in a clean case or a fresh rolled towel, let lukewarm water from a shower head or bath tap run over your clit, or squeeze your thighs together rhythmically. Water stays on the outside, and household objects never go inside.

How can I masturbate quietly?

Fingers are about as quiet as it gets, and thigh squeezing and pillow humping are close behind. With a toy, use the lowest setting, keep it under a blanket and press it against your body, which muffles it. A fan or music in the room helps too.

Will masturbating ruin sex with my partner?

No. Knowing exactly how you like to be touched makes it easier to show a partner, and you can bring the same moves, or the same toy, into bed together. Watching each other masturbate is its own hot thing: see our mutual masturbation guide.

How do I show my partner how I like to be touched?

Masturbate while they watch, or take their hand and guide it with yours, hand over hand, at your pace. Tell them the name of the move (circles, the V, tapping) and the pressure you want. Praise what works out loud, check in as you go, and agree on a word that means stop. People learn fast when the feedback is hot.

What is the best toy for female masturbation?

If your orgasms are mostly about your clit, start with an air-pulse toy like the Womanizer Premium 2, because it works the clit without touching it directly. If you prefer broad, rumbly power, get a wand; if you love grinding, get a VibePad 2. See the full list.

The bottom line

Female masturbation isn't complicated, but it is personal. Start slow, use lube, give your clit the attention it's asking for, and keep the rhythm steady when you're close. Then play: a new technique, a new position, a new toy. Knowing your own body makes it easier to ask for what you want, solo or with a partner. Tonight, lock the door and try one move you've never tried.

Next stops: add your nipples with our nipple orgasm guide, compare the best clit vibrators and clit suckers, or browse every sex toy for women we carry.

Every order ships discreetly from the US, free over $75.

Maya Sterling, AdultLuxe editorial. Read our editorial standards.