Anal training is a slow, step-by-step way to get your body ready for anal sex: fingers and small butt plugs, lots of lube and plenty of patience, so your ass learns to relax around fullness instead of clenching against it. Anal sex for beginners comes down to four rules: go slow, use lots of lube, put only flared-base toys in your butt, and stop at sharp pain.
How long does it take? Many people feel at ease with a small plug within a few sessions, and working up to a cock or a strap-on often takes weeks. Your body sets the pace, not the calendar.
And the payoff is worth it. The long warm-up, the moment your body softens and lets you in, the first time fullness flips from strange to oh, yes: that's what you're training for. Any body, any pairing, solo or together.
What’s in this guide
- Anal sex for beginners: the short version
- What anal training is (and isn't)
- Know your body first
- What you need before you start
- Choosing lube for anal
- Your first toys: plugs, kits and sizes
- Getting clean: hygiene and optional douching
- Your first anal training session, step by step
- A week-by-week anal training plan
- How long does anal training take?
- Pressure, discomfort or pain: when to keep going and when to stop
- From toys to anal sex: your first time with a partner
- Best positions for first-time anal
- Any body, any pairing: pegging, strap-ons and solo play
- Safer anal sex: STIs, condoms and the anal-to-vagina rule
- Aftercare and what's normal afterward
- When to see a doctor (and what to do if a toy gets stuck)
- Anal myths, answered honestly
- What research says about anal sex for beginners
- Anal training kits and beginner toys we recommend
- Anal training FAQ
- The bottom line
Anal sex for beginners: the short version
Here's how to do anal, in six rules:
- Go slow. Rushing is how injuries happen. Warm up longer than you think you need.
- Use lots of lube. Your ass doesn't make its own. Reapply the moment anything drags.
- Flared bases only. Anything that goes in your butt needs a flared base, or a handle made for anal use, so it can't get lost inside.
- Start small. Fingertip, one finger, then a small plug. Size up only when the current size feels easy.
- Stop at sharp pain. Fullness and a "need to poop" feeling are normal. Sharp, tearing or shooting pain means stop.
- Wash or change condoms between holes. Never go from ass to pussy or mouth without washing up or rolling on a new condom.
The rule above every rule: anal is something you choose, never something you owe. Either of you can say stop at any moment, and stop means stop.
What anal training is (and isn't)
Anal training is practice at relaxing. The muscles around your opening tighten on reflex when something arrives, and training teaches them, session by session, that fullness is welcome. Your brain stops bracing, and pleasure gets room to show up.
It isn't about stretching yourself bigger or chasing a size. The goal is comfort at the size you actually want, whether that's a slim plug, a cock or a strap-on. Anyone with an ass can train: a woman getting ready for her boyfriend's cock, a man getting ready for his girlfriend's strap-on, two men, two women with a strap-on, or anyone solo with a small toy and a locked door.
It's also optional. Plenty of people love butt play that never goes past the rim, like a slick fingertip or a tongue (see our rimming guide). The Kink List entry on anal training has the short version to share.
Know your body first
- Two rings of muscle. The outer sphincter is voluntary: it's the one you squeeze to hold your poop in. The inner one is involuntary and clamps shut on reflex when something arrives, but the NHS leaflet says you can train it to relax. Time and arousal persuade it. Force makes it clamp.
- It takes a moment. A 2009 NHS sexual-health leaflet says letting the sphincter relax around a finger can take from a few seconds to half a minute or more. Wait it out.
- The feeling lives at the opening. The outer end of your anal canal is wired much like skin, StatPearls notes, so it registers touch, temperature and pain. The rectal lining further in is relatively insensitive to pain, according to the Merck Manual, so listen to the entrance.
- It isn't a straight tube. StatPearls notes the rectum bends twice, hugging the curve of your lower spine. Go gently and let toys follow it.
- No natural lube. Your ass doesn't get wet. Planned Parenthood says going in without lube can really hurt and cause small tears.
- Why it feels like you need to poop. Your rectum reports fullness, so a finger or plug sends the same message as a bowel movement, though the Merck Manual says the rectum is ordinarily empty. The feeling usually fades as you relax.
The sexy part: you don't have to go deep. When a 2025 US survey in Sexual Medicine asked people to pick where touch felt best, men and women alike most often chose the front wall, just past the opening. If you have a prostate, it sits on that front wall a little way in (see our best prostate massagers and the Kink List entry on prostate play). Our anal orgasm guide covers pleasure for every body.
What you need before you start
- Lube, and more than you think. A thick, long-lasting anal formula like Jo Anal H2O.
- A small flared-base plug, or a graduated set from our anal training kits.
- Short, smooth nails. File rough edges, or wear gloves.
- Condoms for any cock, strap-on or shared toy, plus spares for switching.
- A towel and wipes, laid out before you need them.
- Toy cleaner, or gentle soap and warm water.
- Time and privacy. No knocking, no deadline.
Skip the numbing stuff. No numbing creams, sprays or desensitizing lubes. That's our advice, not an official medical rule, and here's why: pain is your body's brake pedal. Cleveland Clinic says to stop if pain increases, and the NHS leaflet says discomfort during anal penetration is not something you should endure. Numb the signal and you lose the warning.
Choosing lube for anal
Lube is the biggest upgrade in anal sex, and Planned Parenthood says it's especially important to use plenty for anal.
| Lube type | With condoms | With toys | For anal |
|---|---|---|---|
| Water-based | Safe with every condom | Safe with every toy material | Great, especially thick anal formulas; reapply often |
| Silicone | Safe with every condom | Can harm silicone toys, so patch-test first or pair with glass and metal | Slick, long-lasting, gentle on rectal tissue in a lab study |
| Hybrid (water plus silicone) | Check the label | Patch-test on silicone toys | A middle ground; read the label |
| Oil (coconut oil, baby oil, lotion) | No: damages latex and polyisoprene condoms | Can break down soft toy materials | Skip it |
- Gentle on tissue. In lab tests on human colorectal tissue (Dezzutti and colleagues, PLoS ONE, 2012), very concentrated water-based lubes damaged the surface layer, while silicone lubes and water-based lubes close to the body's own salt balance tested gentlest. Formulas change, so treat it as a guide.
- Oil and condoms don't mix. The CDC warns that oil-based products like baby oil, lotion or petroleum jelly will make a condom break. NYC Health advises avoiding oil-based lube with or without condoms, to avoid irritation.
- No spermicide. The CDC says not to use nonoxynol-9, because it can cause irritation.
- Spit isn't lube. It dries fast and doesn't give penetration enough glide.
Shop our lube collection, or jump to the anal lube picks.
Your first toys: plugs, kits and sizes
Toys make training easier: a plug stays put while you relax around it, and a kit hands you the next size when you're ready.
- A flared base, every time. The NHS leaflet says any object you use should have a flared base so it can't get lost inside. Nothing from the kitchen, the bathroom cabinet or the produce aisle.
- A tapered tip and a narrow neck. The tip opens you gradually, and the neck lets your sphincter close around it.
- Smooth, nonporous material. Silicone, glass and metal wash clean. The NHS leaflet notes soft and flexible beats hard and rigid, so start there.
- Graduated sizes, so you choose each step up.
Real plug sizes, from our kits
These are the specs from our listings. Width is what your sphincter notices most; where a listing gives only overall length, we say so.
| Kit | Small | Medium | Large |
|---|---|---|---|
| Simply Sweet 3 Piece Silicone Butt Plug Set | 0.9 in wide, 3.5 in insertable | 1.2 in wide, 3.75 in insertable | 1.5 in wide, 4.25 in insertable |
| Luxe Bling Butt Plugs Training Kit (width not listed) | 2.8 in long | 4.3 in long | 5.2 in long |
| Playboy Pleasure 3 Ways (metal) | About 1.08 in wide, 2.9 in long | 1.34 in wide, 3.34 in long | 1.55 in wide, 3.77 in long |
On its own, the b-Vibe Rookie measures 1 inch across with 3.5 inches insertable. Firm glass and metal suit a second round: the Gender X Blow Pop glass plug has a flared base, a finger ring and a 1.29-inch insertable diameter, and the Playboy Pleasure 3 Ways set gives you flared metal plugs.
Measure against your fingers
- Hold the plug next to your hand and compare its widest part with one finger, then two fingers together.
- If one finger feels easy, choose a first plug close to one finger's width.
- When two fingers slide in comfortably, the next size is fair game.
Bigger isn't the goal. Easy is the goal.
Getting clean: hygiene and optional douching
Let's talk about poop, briefly. Your rectum is usually close to empty, and a little mess is part of having a body. A towel and a sense of humor cover almost everything.
- Shower first. The CDC advises soap and water for your hands, genitals and anus, before sex and after.
- Go to the bathroom beforehand if you can.
- Trim your nails and wash your hands.
Douching is optional
You don't have to douche, and the medical advice leans against it as a habit. Cleveland Clinic says excessive douching can thin the tissue, so most doctors advise against it. The NHS leaflet doesn't recommend it, because it washes away protective mucus and some nozzles can cause tiny injuries. NYC Health says douching may injure the rectal lining and raise the risk of some STIs.
If you still want to rinse:
- Use only the small rubber bulb type.
- Use plain, clean water at body temperature, with no soap or chemicals.
- Rinse only an inch or two inside, as Cleveland Clinic puts it.
- Don't do it daily, or several times a day.
- Even plain water can irritate the lining, so less is more.
If it stresses you out, skip it.
Your first anal training session, step by step
A first solo session, start to finish. A good starting point is short: a few minutes of fingers or a plug is a real win.
- Get turned on. Play with your clit or cock, use a vibrator, read something filthy. Skipping the warm-up is one of the two biggest pain causes in the Belgian survey covered below.
- Get comfortable. Lie back with a pillow lifting your hips, or curl on your side and draw your top knee toward your chest. Towel down, lube open.
- Massage the outside. Circle your rim with a lubed fingertip. Press, stroke, tease. No entry yet. This alone can feel amazing.
- Breathe and bear down. As you breathe out, push out gently, as if starting to poop. That relaxes the outer sphincter and lets your fingertip slip in.
- One fingertip, then wait. Feel the inner ring tighten, then slowly let go. Don't push through the squeeze.
- Explore. Slide a little further and press toward the front wall. Rock, curl, circle. Add lube.
- Try your smallest plug. Lube it and your hole, rest the tip against you, bear down on the exhale, and let your body draw it in bit by bit.
- Settle in. Once the widest part slips past, your sphincter closes around the neck. Breathe, enjoy the fullness and touch yourself. This is where it starts to click.
- Take it out slowly. The NHS leaflet's advice: push it out with your muscles while you pull gently with your hand.
- Clean up. Wash the toy and your hands, and note what felt good.
If something stings, add lube. If it hurts sharply, stop for the day. Your ass will still be there tomorrow.
A week-by-week anal training plan
Nobody has studied anal training schedules, so this is a typical pace, not a prescription. A good starting point is a few short sessions a week, with a rest day after any session that leaves you sore.
| Week (typical pace) | What to use | Session | Move on when | Step back if |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Week 1 | Fingertip, then one finger | Mostly outside massage | One finger slides in easily and feels good | Anything stings or burns |
| Week 2 | Smallest plug | A few minutes with it in | It goes in without a fight | You clench the whole time |
| Week 3 | Two fingers or the middle plug | Longer warm-up, slow in-and-out | The next size feels like pressure, not pain | You're sore the next day |
| Week 4 and beyond | The size you're aiming for (a flared-base dildo, or a partner) | Rocking, slow strokes | It feels easy and good | Sharp pain or bleeding: stop and see the doctor table |
Never train cold, and stay at any size as long as you like. Short, regular sessions beat one marathon.
How long does anal training take?
It varies. Many people are comfortable with a small plug within a few sessions, and working up to a cock or strap-on often takes several weeks of regular practice. Some take months. Both are normal.
It's a skill, not a test. In a survey of 1,893 women (Štulhofer and Ajduković, Archives of Sexual Behavior, 2013), about 4 in 5 (79.1%) said their first time having anal sex hurt. Among women who kept at it, most (58.1%) came to find it very arousing and pleasurable. The researchers' conclusion is the whole point of anal training: enjoying anal is often something you learn.
Arousal, lube and short, regular sessions help. Rushing backfires.
Pressure, discomfort or pain: when to keep going and when to stop
| What you feel | What it means | What to do |
|---|---|---|
| Fullness, pressure, the urge to poop | Normal | Breathe, hold still, keep going slowly if it feels good |
| Burning, stinging or a dull ache | Too fast, too big or too dry | Add lots of lube, slow down, size down |
| Sharp, tearing or shooting pain, or bleeding | Stop signal | Stop right away. If sharp pain hasn't eased within 30 minutes, go to the ER |
Cleveland Clinic says rushing can cause serious injury and to stop if pain increases or keeps going. The NHS leaflet says to slow down or stop if you feel any physical discomfort.
Stop at sharp pain. Not "push through", not "one more inch". Stop, then figure out what was missing: usually lube, warm-up or patience.
In a 2013 Belgian survey of gay and bisexual men (Vansintejan and colleagues, Sexual Medicine), the men named the two biggest causes of pain: too little lube, and going in without warming up first with a tongue or fingers. Both are fixable tonight.
From toys to anal sex: your first time with a partner
Here's how to have anal sex for the first time, with the receiving partner in charge.
Bring it up outside the bedroom
Pick a relaxed moment and try: "I'm curious about anal. Want to take it slow and figure it out together?" Not sure where you each stand? Try the Kink Test as a couple (your match shows only the yeses you share), or fill in a Yes No Maybe list.
Nobody owes anyone anal. Go ahead only on an enthusiastic yes, and never talk anyone into it. Agree on a stop word plus a non-verbal signal, such as squeezing their hand twice. Either of you can stop at any point, even halfway in.
The receiving partner sets the pace
The person receiving controls depth, speed and timing. Often it's easiest for them to move back onto the cock or strap-on rather than be pushed into.
- Long foreplay. Kissing, oral, a vibrator, some rimming.
- Fingers first, then the plug they trained with.
- Condom on, lube everywhere. Then more.
- Wait at the rim. The partner doing the penetrating rests the head against the opening and stays still while the receiving partner breathes out and eases back.
- Shallow first. Just the head, then a little more.
- Hold still, then slow strokes. Speed comes later, if at all.
- Check in. "More lube?" "Slower?" "Good?"
- Pull out slowly, as the receiving partner breathes out.
If you're the one doing the penetrating
- Let them steer. Stay still until you're invited to move.
- Over-lube, and reapply without being asked.
- Watch and ask. Read their face and breathing, and ask out loud.
- No surprises. No sudden thrusts or sudden depth.
- New condom or wash up before anything goes from ass to pussy or mouth.
The Kink List entry on anal sex is a handy share.
Best positions for first-time anal
The best first-time position lets the receiving partner control depth.
| Position | Who controls depth | Why it helps |
|---|---|---|
| Receiver on top (riding) | The receiving partner | Lower yourself at your own speed and angle |
| Spooning | Shared | Relaxed, close, hard to go deep fast |
| On your back, pillow under hips | The partner penetrating | Face to face, easy to talk |
| Face down, pillow under hips | The partner penetrating | Relaxing; keep it slow and shallow |
| Hands and knees (doggy style) | The partner penetrating | Save it for later: easy to go deep and fast |
| Solo, on your side, top knee up | You | Easy reach for fingers and toys |
Any body, any pairing: pegging, strap-ons and solo play
The method never changes: warm-up, lube, flared bases, slow.
- Women receiving. A 2022 survey of 3,017 US women, weighted to represent the whole country (Hensel and colleagues, PLoS ONE), found 43.5% enjoyed at least one kind of anal touch.
- Men receiving from women. That's pegging, and it's hot as hell. Train as above, then read our pegging guide and the Kink List entry on pegging, and browse strap-ons and harnesses.
- Two men. Same training. If the receiving partner has a prostate, prostate massagers are made for it.
- Two women with a strap-on. Same rules; the Kink List entry on strap-ons covers gear basics.
- Solo, trans or nonbinary, any body. Same rules. Training alone teaches you your own signals fast.
Safer anal sex: STIs, condoms and the anal-to-vagina rule
- HIV and STIs. The CDC calls anal sex the riskiest type of sex for getting or passing on HIV, and the receiving partner carries more of the risk, so use a condom the right way every time with any partner whose status you don't know. The CDC also points to medicine to prevent HIV (PrEP); ask your doctor.
- Delicate tissue. Cleveland Clinic describes the inner lining as thin and delicate, easier to tear or bleed, and notes anal sex is less risky with a condom.
- Condoms and lube. Use latex or polyurethane condoms with water-based or silicone lube. The CDC says never use two condoms at once, and never reuse one.
- The anal-to-vagina rule. NYC Health says to use a new condom each time you change partners and each time you switch between oral, anal or vaginal sex, and a fresh condom on any toy you share. Wash toys and fingers before they go anywhere else.
- Hands. The CDC says to wash your hands after touching the anus, and after handling anything that touched it, sex toys included.
Aftercare and what's normal afterward
- Clean up. Soap and water for you and your hands, and clean your toys right away.
- Normal: fullness or mild tenderness for a while, a little lube working its way out, and possibly a small spot of blood the first time that stops on its own. Cleveland Clinic says small spots can be normal, especially your first time. If it repeats or comes with pain, get checked.
- Not normal: heavy bleeding, blood an hour or more after sex, worsening pain, or pain when you poop. See the doctor table.
- Emotional aftercare. Cuddle, drink water, eat something, and talk about what felt amazing and what to change. If you're sore, rest until you feel fully back to normal before the next session.
When to see a doctor (and what to do if a toy gets stuck)
| Sign | What to do |
|---|---|
| Sharp, shooting pain during play | Stop. If it hasn't eased within 30 minutes, go to the ER (Cleveland Clinic) |
| Heavy bleeding, or blood an hour or more after sex | See a doctor (Cleveland Clinic) |
| Pain when you poop, or bright red blood on the paper | Pause play and see a doctor; it may be a fissure (Mayo Clinic) |
| Severe pain, pain that wakes you, worsens, isn't helped by over-the-counter pain medicine, stops you pooping, or comes with heavy bleeding | See a doctor right away (Cleveland Clinic) |
| A toy went in and won't come out easily | Don't dig. Go to urgent care or the ER now (StatPearls) |
| A small spot of blood the first time that stops | Can be normal; get checked if it repeats or comes with pain |
Mayo Clinic lists anal sex as one cause of anal fissures, small tears in the lining of the anus. If you have a hemorrhoid flare or a fissure, wait until it heals before you play. Talk to your doctor about any pain, bleeding or numbness that sticks around.
What to do if a toy gets stuck
If a toy slips all the way in and doesn't come out easily, don't dig for it: go to urgent care or the ER now. Doctors see this regularly, and fishing for it at home can push it deeper or injure you. StatPearls, a medical reference hosted by the NIH, notes that some people wait days or even weeks out of embarrassment. Don't. Prevent it with flared bases only, and keep hold of the base.
Anal myths, answered honestly
"Anal will stretch you out for good." Training is practice at relaxing on purpose, not stretching for size. In a US national health survey (Markland and colleagues, American Journal of Gastroenterology, 2016), people who'd had anal sex were somewhat more likely to report monthly bowel leakage (9.9% vs 7.4% of women; 11.6% vs 5.3% of men). The study can't show anal sex caused it, and it didn't ask how often people had anal sex, so it's one more reason to go slow and never force anything, not a reason to panic.
"Anal sex causes hemorrhoids." NYC Health says it doesn't cause them, but it can irritate ones you already have, so wait out a flare.
"Porn shows how it's done." Porn is edited. You don't see the warm-up, the lube refills or the takes that stopped. Don't copy the pace.
What research says about anal sex for beginners
There's real research on first-time pain. There's none on training programs, plug sizes or schedules, so our plan is practical guidance, not science.
- Stopping the first time is common. In a survey of 2,002 young women (Štulhofer and Ajduković, 2011), nearly half of those who had tried anal sex (48.8%) stopped the first time because it hurt or felt uncomfortable. Among women who had it regularly, fewer than 1 in 10 (8.7%) had severe pain every time.
- Most pain is mild. In a survey of 1,190 gay and bisexual men who bottomed (Vansintejan and colleagues, Sexual Medicine, 2013), most pain was mild, and only about 2% called it severe.
- Plenty of people do it. Over a fifth of women in their 20s and 30s reported anal sex in the previous year, and roughly 4 in 10 women between 20 and 49 had tried it at least once (Herbenick and colleagues, Journal of Sexual Medicine, 2010, a national US probability survey).
- Lube chemistry matters. In the 2012 PLoS ONE lab study, silicone lubes and body-balanced water-based lubes were gentlest on colorectal tissue.
The honest caveat: these are surveys of particular groups, and the lube study used tissue in a lab. Nobody has tested whether training prevents pain. What the research does show: first-time pain is common, enjoyment is often learned, and lube and warm-up are yours to control.
Not sure what you're into yet?
Our Kink Test has a card for anal training. Swipe yes, maybe or no, get your kink archetype, then invite a partner to see only what you both want. Free, private, no sign-up.
Anal training kits and beginner toys we recommend
| Pick | Best for | Price |
|---|---|---|
| Simply Sweet 3 Piece Silicone Butt Plug Set | A full training ladder | $32.95 |
| Luxe Bling Butt Plugs Training Kit | A second silicone ladder | $44.95 |
| b-Vibe Rookie Beginners Starter Plug | Your very first plug | $22.95 |
| Vedo Twist Rechargeable Anal Plug | A first vibrating plug | $36.95 |
| Lovense Hush 2 | App control, later | from $118.95 |
| Jo Anal H2O Lubricant | Everyday, toy-safe lube | from $12.95 |
| Jo Anal Premium (silicone) | Long sessions | from $24.95 |
| Pjur Backdoor Anal Silicone Lubricant | A few drops go far | $25.95 |
| JO Refresh Foaming Toy Cleaner | After play | $15.95 |
1. Simply Sweet 3 Piece Silicone Butt Plug Set: a full training ladder
Three firm, flexible silicone plugs, small to large, each textured differently: the small is ribbed, the medium spirals like a corkscrew, the large has dips. Tapered tips ease insertion, and the wide flared bases also work as suction cups: stick one to a flat spot and ride it with both hands free for other things. The bases fit most strap-on harnesses, a handy bridge to pegging. Sizes run from 0.9 to 1.5 inches wide. $32.95.
Get the Simply Sweet set here.
2. Luxe Bling Butt Plugs Training Kit: a second ladder
Three silicone plugs, small to large, each with a tapered tip, a tight neck and a flared base shaped like a heart and topped with a faux gem. The listing gives lengths only (2.8, 4.3 and 5.2 inches), so check width against your fingers. Use water-based lube. $44.95.
3. b-Vibe Rookie Beginners Starter Plug: your very first plug
Shaped like a finger, tip included, so it feels familiar if fingers are all you've tried so far. Non-porous silicone, 1 inch wide with 3.5 inches insertable, a flared base and an easy-grip handle that keeps you in control. $22.95.
4. Vedo Twist Rechargeable Anal Plug: when you're ready for buzz
Once a plain plug feels easy, add vibration. The Twist pairs a slim, bendy shaft and a rounded tip that slips in easily with swirls of bead texture that tease on the way in and on the way out. It sits on a flared base shaped like a T, offers 10 vibration modes behind a recessed button, and it's silicone, USB rechargeable and fully submersible. $36.95.
5. Lovense Hush 2: app control, for later
For later, with a partner. An app-controlled vibrating plug on a flared base, with a spiraled neck that keeps lube near your sphincter for easy removal. The X-Small, smallest of its four sizes, measures 1 inch wide and 3.86 inches insertable. IPX7 waterproof and USB rechargeable through a magnetic port. It's silicone, so use water-based lube. From $118.95.
6. Jo Anal H2O Lubricant: the everyday anal lube
Thicker than JO's standard H2O, fully water-based with no oil, wax or silicone in it, fine with every toy material (silicone included), latex-condom compatible and non-staining. No numbing agents, so you feel every signal your body sends. From $12.95.
7. Jo Anal Premium (silicone): for long sessions
A thick silicone lube made for anal, with a glide built for extended sessions. Silky, never sticky, latex-safe, no numbing agents. The one rule: keep it away from silicone toys and use it with glass or metal plugs, or for partner sex with a latex condom. From $24.95.
8. Pjur Backdoor Anal Silicone Lubricant: a few drops go far
An extra-long-lasting anal glide that stays slick without turning tacky or drying out mid-session, so you need only a few drops. It works with condoms made of latex, polyisoprene or polyurethane, and the formula skips fats, fragrances, parabens and preservatives. It contains dimethicone, a silicone, so patch-test before using it with silicone toys. $25.95.
9. JO Refresh Foaming Toy Cleaner: the cleanup
Pump foam all over the toy, give it 60 seconds, then rinse with water. Fine on silicone, latex and rubber toys, plus most other materials, and it leaves no residue. It's a cleaner, not a sterilizer. $15.95.
Want more? Browse every anal training kit, butt plug, vibrating butt plug and anal toy we stock, compare picks in our best butt plugs and best anal beads guides, or read the Kink List entry on butt plugs and anal toys.
Anal training FAQ
How long does anal training take?
It varies. Many people feel comfortable with a small plug within a few sessions, and working up to a cock or strap-on often takes several weeks of regular practice. Some take months. No study has measured training schedules, so let comfort, not the calendar, decide when you size up.
How often should you do anal training?
A good starting point is a few short sessions a week, with rest days in between. Consistency beats marathon sessions. Skip any day you're sore, and rest until you feel fully back to normal. This is practical guidance, not a rule from research.
Does anal sex hurt the first time?
It often does, but it doesn't have to hurt much. In a 2013 survey of 1,893 women, about 4 in 5 said their first time hurt, and most who kept at it came to find it very arousing and pleasurable. Go slow, lube up generously, and stop the moment you feel sharp pain.
How do I prepare for anal sex for the first time?
Train first with fingers and a small flared-base plug until it feels easy. On the day, shower, use the bathroom if you can, trim your nails, and set out lube, condoms and a towel. Warm up with plenty of foreplay and let the receiving partner control depth and speed.
What size butt plug should a beginner use first?
The smallest plug in a training kit, close to one finger wide. The Simply Sweet set's small plug is 0.9 inches wide, and the b-Vibe Rookie measures 1 inch across. If a plug is wider than anything you've comfortably taken, it isn't your first plug yet, so wait.
What is the best lube for anal sex?
A thick lube made for anal, used generously. A water-based pick such as Jo Anal H2O suits every toy and latex condoms. Silicone lube lasts longer and tested gentle on rectal tissue in a 2012 lab study, but it can damage silicone toys. Skip oil and numbing lubes.
Can you use spit or coconut oil as lube for anal?
Neither is a good choice. Spit dries fast and doesn't give penetration enough glide. Planned Parenthood says oils like coconut oil damage latex and polyisoprene condoms and can make them break, and NYC Health advises avoiding oil-based lube to avoid irritation. Reach for a water-based or silicone lube instead.
Do you have to douche before anal?
No. Douching is optional, and the medical advice leans against making it a habit because it can wash away protective mucus and irritate the lining. A shower is usually enough. If you do rinse, use a small rubber bulb, plain body-temperature water, only an inch or two inside, never daily.
Is it normal to bleed after anal?
A small spot of blood the first time that stops on its own can be normal, according to Cleveland Clinic. Heavy bleeding, blood an hour or more after sex, bright red blood when you poop, or bleeding with pain that won't settle means see a doctor.
Will anal training stretch you out permanently?
It isn't meant to: training is about relaxing on purpose, not stretching for size. A 2016 US national survey found people who'd had anal sex were somewhat more likely to report monthly bowel leakage, but it couldn't show anal sex caused it. That's a reason to go slow and never force anything, not to panic.
Can anal sex cause hemorrhoids?
NYC Health says anal sex doesn't cause hemorrhoids, but it can irritate ones you already have and make them worse. If you have a flare or a fissure, wait until it heals before you play, then go slow with lots of lube. Talk to your doctor if pain or bleeding lingers.
Do you need a condom for anal sex?
Yes, with any partner whose STI status you don't know. The CDC calls anal sex the riskiest type of sex for getting or passing on HIV, and the receiving partner carries more of the risk. Use latex or polyurethane condoms with water-based or silicone lube.
Can you go straight from anal to vaginal sex?
Only after you wash up or change the condom. Never move a cock, strap-on, toy or finger from ass to pussy or mouth as it is. NYC Health advises a new condom each time you switch between anal, vaginal or oral sex.
What should I do if a toy gets stuck in my butt?
Go to urgent care or the ER now, and don't dig for it. Fishing for it at home can push it deeper or injure you, and doctors see this regularly, so don't let embarrassment stop you. To prevent it, stick to flared-base toys and keep a grip on the base.
Why does anal feel like I need to poop?
Your rectum's job is to report fullness, and a finger, plug or cock sends the same signal as a bowel movement. The rectum is usually close to empty, so the feeling is a message, not a mess. Breathe, hold still and let your body adjust; it usually fades.
The bottom line
Anal training is patience with a payoff. Go slow, use lots of lube, use only flared-base toys, stop at sharp pain, and let the receiving partner set the pace every time. Do that, and strange new fullness can turn into something you crave.
Next stops: our anal orgasm guide for coming from it, and our pegging guide if a strap-on is in your future.
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Maya Sterling, AdultLuxe editorial. Read our editorial standards.