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First of all, congrats on considering something new! It's fund and healthy to adventure and try different things at least once (as long as you're okay with it of course). Anal play is a great way to spice up your sex life, and it's really not as scary as its reputation would have you believe. The most important thing to remember about anal play, however, is that anal sex should never be painful, and that communication and consent are key in any sexual activity. If you're new to anal sex, we're more than excited to have you and help you on this new journey! We've compiled a list of what we consider the most helpful tips you should read help make the experience be more enjoyable:
1. Start slow: Begin with plenty of foreplay, and use plenty of lube to relax the muscles in the anus. Start with a small toy, or your partner's (or your own) finger, and gradually work your way up to a larger toy and/or their penis. A helpful way to do this is to invest on a training kit and keep track of how big you can go each time (not everyone reaches penis level on their first try). You never want to go "balls deep" immediately -- it will hurt and ruin the whole experience for you.
2. Communicate (if applicable): Communication is key in any sexual activity, but it's especially important during anal sex because of the effort it takes to open the back door. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page, and that you both feel comfortable and relaxed. Make sure you're communicating every step of the way until a comfortable position has been established. And even once penetration is fully achieved, make sure you communicate clearly on how it feels -- if it becomes too much you must announce it right away! A fun way to prevent any discomfort could be coming up with a safe word that you can each use should things become anything but pleasurable.
3. Use plenty of lube: The anus doesn't naturally lubricate, so it's important to use plenty of lube to prevent tearing or discomfort. If you're using silicone-toys, we highly suggest water-based lubes for best results and easy cleaning (oil-based lubricants are likely to damage the toy). Any other materials, you can have your pick! Also remember, that lubricated condoms do not mix well with silicone toys, so keep that in mind before, during, and after foreplay.
4. Experiment with different positions: Experiment with different positions to find what's most comfortable for you. Some popular positions include doggy style, spooning, and "riding" (with the receiving partner on top). Doggy style is probably the easiest and most comfortable position for beginners. It's also the easiest for penetration purposes. However, the more comfortable you become, the easier the rest of the positions do too. We highly recommend having fun and exploring all your options (whether it's with a toy or a penis, solo or with a partner).
5. Pay attention to your body: If you feel pain or discomfort at any point, stop and reassess. Anal sex should never be painful. It'll definitely feel new and slightly uncomfortable/painful initially, but once you relax into it and slowly ease your way up to your end goal, that discomfort and pain subsides and disappears. By the time you're having anal sex, all the pain should be completely gone.
6. Don't forget about aftercare: After any sexual activity, it's important to take care of yourself and your partner. Make sure to clean up, and take some time to cuddle and debrief about the experience. Make sure whatever was inserted into the anus is completely cleaned and washed before it's inserted elsewhere. Whether you're going for rounds 2 and 3 or choosing to cuddle and watch a movie, clean all body parts that were involved (toys can wait until later if you're not using them again...yet).
We cannot reiterate this enough, the most important thing is to take your time, keep open communication with your partner (if its a duo+ play), and listen to your body. With these tips and some patience and experimentation (and plenty of your favorite lube), you can have a (lot of) fun and enjoyable anal sex experience (s)!